I've never been one to be comfortable with the 'in-betweens' of life. I don't like long engagements or long goodbyes. I pride myself on being decisive.
So why am I suddenly so willing to happily go along with this new (even self imposed) 'in-between'?
It seems I've stumbled upon something that is entirely fresh to me, and maybe not so new to others in the blogosphere out there. I'm late to the party, so to speak.
I'm newer to the idea of living for today, not waiting for the right moment or special occasion to use and enjoy the nicer things in life. Somewhere along the line I got into the habit of saving my fun side for others and putting aside my own enjoyment of the moment.
I think I might have been afraid of losing control. Oh how that control stuff can get in the way! You think you're in control so you never allow yourself to live outside of a sure thing. Then one day, the fact that the sure thing is holding you back comes right up and whacks you in the face!
I really do try to learn from others. I've been around people who have nothing and also those with a lot more. I've noticed that no matter what a person has, you can always tell when someone shares a generosity of life and spirit. It simply emanates from them. We've also all seen the flip side of that. People who just swim in material stuff and don't seem to enjoy any of it.
Over the last year, I've gotten better at letting the good stuff be mine, as well as there for others. I've enjoyed help when I needed it and a much more honest life altogether. I've realized that while I was holding back on myself, I ended up inadvertently holding back on those that I love so much.
So during this time, between knowing that I will be moving pretty darn far away and the actual doing of said moving, could be a weird time between me and those that I will be leaving behind- in terms of distance. But since I don't just believe that the 'pie' of life is boundless in size, but also in shape, I am taking this time to grow my relationships and learn something rather than just let them drift away.
As I'm going through stuff- as we often wait to do until we move, my new found feelings of not wanting to waste the good stuff find concrete examples. With every sadly unburned lovely scented candle or dress with tags still on it at the back of the closet, I see that I want to change this.
Not only have I recently relished in serving friends a fabulous roast made with those little spice packets I always buy at craft fairs and save for a special occasion, but I've luxuriated in bubble baths while waiting for those friends to arrive instead of worrying myself over every last little detail.
My surprising satisfaction at this particular juncture comes from knowing that I'm not just in the process of changing a physical place, but a fundamental part of who I am. And for the better.
It sounds like this move has caused you to do a lot of growing. That often happens, I suppose, when we reeavaluate everything in our life. A big move forces that. Do I want to move this or not? Once you start asking those kind of questions, you find yourself asking other questions. How do I want to live my life from this point forward? Eventually you are rethinking everything. It is exciting and scary all at the same time. Once you really let go and embrace the life you want, it becomes less scary and more exciting. It sounds like that is where you are at. Good for you!
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