For Once

A month ago I let y'all in on the fact that I had finally cut back on my work hours; something I had been meaning to do for- oh about forever...

At the time I had so much guilt and doubt and felt like such a selfish brat.   Who was I thinking that I had the right to just decide that I deserved a break?  ...that I might actually function better if I wasn't working quite so many hours outside of the home?

Holy Moly, was I wrong- about stupidly feeling guilty and wondering if I was doing the right thing, I mean!!!

It has only been a month. 

And this has been a month that included my sister being sentenced to serious jail time, my little dog having a horrible reaction to a basic neutering surgery (he's fine, just a bout of chihuahua anxiety as it turned out), dealing with taxes and then of course the horrible terrorist activity that we have all felt hit us in the gut- one week ago.

So I am simply amazed that I am facing a Monday morning tomorrow and I can honestly say that for once I am not overwhelmed.  I am not feeling like I am behind already.  I do not feel as if I don't know how I will get through the coming week.

Even more surprising is the fact that I feel as if I have not had to pull out the 'facade', make nice and make sure everyone else is good while I am busy feeling like I have been run over by something large and am busily picking myself off the pavement before anyone notices.  After all, I would never want anyone to think I might not get the job done...

Seriously, I feel like I can finally breathe.  And I never really realized just how long I had been holding my breath.

Photo Credit: "Guardians Of The Light" by sattva found at: freedigitalphotos.net

Every Day, Do Something That Scares You

I finally did it.
I threw caution to the wind and did something that I have been wanting to do for years now.

I cut back on work.

Not tried to hold back a little.
Not even worked out my schedule so that things would be more even.
I actually, truly, cut back.

This involved telling someone that I could not take on their friend as a new client.
It also involved letting long time clients know that my time is now limited.

It wasn't easy.
And I felt pretty lousy guilty for a few days.
So much so that I was even tempted to take it back.

But then I remembered why I had always wanted to do this.

I love a well oiled smoothly running household that is a pleasure to live in.
I love being better equipped to handle the annoyances that life will throw at all/any of us.
I love being home to greet my husband with dinner,
And having the time to do the little extras that make life more pleasant.

I kept telling myself that when we moved to Texas I would be able to afford to do this- lower cost of living and all.  The northwest is truly one of the most expensive places a person can live in.

Then I realized that I could always have an excuse to keep waiting to live the life I really want to.
The excuses list goes a little something like this:  1) With no kids in the house, then I don't really have the right to cut back on work.  2) My husband & I both grew up poor and both worry about ever being poor again so I should do whatever I can to sock away cash so we won't have to worry.  3) I'm good at what I do and people need me.  4) My husband works so hard, so I should too.  And on and on....

Guess what?  1) I don't really care what people think about me not having kids.  I can do whatever I want for whatever reason I want to, as long as I'm not hurting or relying on others to take care of my household.  2) We're not poor anymore.  And frankly we've both done everything we can to make sure that will never be the case again.  If it ever is, we both have plenty of experience in dealing with that situation.  3) Yup, I'm very good at what I do and it's nice to be needed.  I also need to do what makes me truly happy and fulfilled as a human being.  4) Yup, my husband works damn hard and he loves having me available to take care of life's little annoyances and to welcome him home at the end of the day.  It makes his life better.

So there you have it.  If you have something that you've been meaning to do and you know it's true to your soul to do it, then don't hesitate anymore.  Even if it's scary.  Stop making excuses and live!