If You're Happy And You Know It...

Don't question it!

The explanation is long and complicated and I won't go into it all right now. 

Just understand that for most of my life I have needed to be a 'planner'.  I needed to keep the balls in the air and moving in the right direction.  Nobody else was going to do it and there really was true risk to losing track of all the balls; risks that involve loss of my family, my dignity and my actual physical life, starting at a very young age.  So I took up the job and I got very good at.  Simply the best, you might say.

In taking up a 'job' that I never really wanted, but didn't see any way out of, I managed to lose a lot of myself.  After doing said 'job' for years and years, I forgot about that other real me that was hiding deep inside.

I might have forgotten, but it turns out she's still there!
She was there all along- just waiting for me to call her back out to play!

Silhouette Of Child On Beach, Anusorn P nacho

 found at freedigitalphotos.net

The hidden me laughs as everyone has been asking, "why California now?" 
"I thought you were dead set on Texas" they say. 
"Weren't there a lot of things about California that bug you?" they ask.

Frankly, there's a lot of things that bug me about a lot things.  Oh well!

We've loved California enough to buy a second home there.  And that's not a small thing.  Also, California has been good to us over the years.  It's where we renewed our vows 7 years ago.  It's where most of my best memories of fun vacations with friends have happened.  It's a place that, despite its imperfections, my inner me has always truly loved.

And I know now that I deserve to go down to SoCal and enjoy it; for whatever it's worth and for however long it works for me.  There are no rules and I'm not required to keep any balls in the air.

Do you sometimes fight happiness?  Do the rules that you've made for yourself over the years sometimes get in the way?

A Nephew Update Full Of Happy

Hi All- this one is for everyone who has suffered through some of my sad posts about my nephew, Nathan.
In the time since he has been living with his Dad, some amazing things have happened.
Here is a short but meaningful list.
1) Nathan uses eating utensils now most of the time and is still learning to go for a napkin before he automatically uses his shirt or pants.  Not that different from most 9 year olds!
2) He has learned to respect peoples personal space much more. 
3) The 'needy' vibe is way lower.
4) Nathan speaks of things other than video games and transformers.  He still loves these things, but his world has gotten much bigger.
5) Nathan's vocabulary has exploded!  He uses great big grown up words with tremendous regularity.
6) He is learning about what he loves and is interested in.  It is amazing to watch him be a normal kid who doesn't spend all his time 'gauging' Mom's current mood.  One fabulous example of this is when we took him to a local music museum.  The stuff on display wasn't all that interesting for him, but something magical happened when he put on a pair of headphones in a room that houses all kinds of Jimi Hendrix memorabilia.  His face lit up and he declared that "you've gotta hear this.  This is really good stuff."  His Dad told me that he was pretty sure that Nathan had never heard any Jimi Hendrix music before.  A couple of days later, at the baseball game, Purple Haze was played in the stadium and Nathan immediately recognized that "great guitar stuff" again. 
Just exactly how blessed am I to be able to witness this amazing transformation?  Yup, hope springs eternal.