Twisted

It's that time of year again.  No, not about the holiday hoopla coming up.  Instead, I mean the time of year when I KNOW that certain people are not doing so well.  This is the beginning of the time when all of those lovely folks in my family that suffer from some type of mental illness or another go on the prowl every year.  Some years are scarier than others.  It is the season in which I am likely to wake up shaking or screaming.  My poor husband has grown used to this.  I have already heard from one friend who has been called several times to see if her husband can fix a computer- a computer that's been dead for years...  Anything to try to connect with those who cannot legally be contacted.  Thank God for restraining orders and felony probation.  Seriously, let's hope this year is a mild one!

I have to admit that even though I get stronger and wiser over time about how kooky my family can be and how normal and peaceful life is now, my subconscious is not always on board.  So with that in mind, I'll share an especially wild dream from the other night.  I feel this one is special because even I didn't know that my mind was quite so creative. 

In the dream, life is beyond wonderful.  Fabulous really.  Things are good beyond imagination.  It is truly sweet in so many ways.  The colors are sun warmed and lovely.  There is a picnic in the park and the food is magazine perfect.  The temperature is perfect.  The view is gorgeous.  I am surrounded by loving family.  People who have been especially cruel to me are there as well, but they are different.  Very different.  My aunt who is is brash and mean is kind and loving.  My grandmother is no longer a drunk.  She makes a point of apologizing for her past actions and promises to be different from here on out.  Many seem to acknowledge in some magical unspoken way that they are sorry for the way they knowingly left my sister and I to suffer in an unhealthy home.  It is all just so much to take in.  I feel loved and protected and content.  Content beyond anything I can ever remember feeling in my whole life, ever.  There is no hiding, no sadness, no ugliness, no drugs, no lies, no manipulation.

I can only guess this must be somewhat like what people who are addicted to drugs might feel.  That euphoria I have heard of...  Because the next thing I know I am awake and it is cold, sharp, dark.  There is a deep emotional pain that is nearly physical in nature.  I am literally terrified.  

And then I realize- this is it.  The beginning of the season of nightmares.  It is right on time.  It always starts in November, when my mother would be in the process of angering the rest of the family to the point that we would not be welcome for the holidays.  And we would be alone, facing her mental illness at its full brutal force. 

I am able to recognize the feelings I am having and rationalize where they come from.  And then I also manage to see the glaring thing that was missing from my dream.  My mother and my sister were not there.  Yes indeed, even in my wildest fantasies, I know that these two are a lost cause.  Ah, progress...  Maybe next time I won't be fooled at all.

Happy Election Day!

It is your constitutional right.  Use it.  Get out and vote today. 

Every election is important.  Even if your local election does not seem 'exciting', your vote is important.  (And can count for more when there's not as much turnout.)

Not everyone, everywhere in the world has the rights that we do in the U.S.A.  Remember this, and vote!

Take A Walk With Me

If you were to take a walk in the desert (hopefully with plenty of water along with you), you might expect to see things like this:

But what if, as you wandered along, you started to notice something unexpected off in the distance?  Like this:

As you get closer, you are treated to this wonderful view:

 

And what's this?  A pathway leading downward into the shade of those palm trees:

Peeking through the palm fronds:

What do you see?

YES!  It's a beautiful OASIS!

As the palms tower above you, it feels as if you are in a magical place...

...where desert meets dreamland:

Welcome to Palm Canyon, located in the Indian Canyons area, native land of the Agua Caliente Band of Cahuilla Indians.  This stunning natural resource is located just 6 and 1/4 miles outside of downtown Palm Springs, CA!  This area is literally right outside the south end of town.

And so it is true, my husband and I have fallen in love with Palm Springs.  It is not only a beautiful and relaxing resort area known for its fabulous golf courses, but there is so much more to it.  We are simply amazed at what Palm Springs has to offer.  And all within an hour and a 1/2 of  Los Angeles and the ocean beaches.

Though Palm Springs is not an area that we could realistically live in until we are retired because of career choices, my husband and I will certainly be pursuing the acquisition of a vacation/investment property in the near future.  Palm Springs is a perfect choice for us in so many ways.  For now, we love escaping from the rain and with 350 days a year of sunshine its a pretty safe bet.  And for the future, Palm Springs has little to no humidity and would be the perfect way to meet up with those we love that we will be leaving behind on the west coast when we do eventually make our move to Texas.  So we are excited and putting our plans "out in the universe" to make them more real.  It has already been a great motivation for me to tighten up the budget with our wonderful goal in mind.  Lord help us when we learn to golf! 

Happy Halloween!

The Salton Sea

Less than an hour from Palm Springs, purely by chance of nature and her seemingly random musings, the Salton Sea is currently the largest lake in California.  Yet is also one of the strangest areas I have ever visited.  (And I make a point of seeking out the unusual.)

A beautiful blue, seemingly an oasis in the desert where recreation and waterfront property abounds...

 Where Date Palms grow heavy with delectable fruit...

But then, look closer...  Among the lovely 1950's neighborhoods with streets that all seem to include the word 'beach' in their names is the truth about this desolate place.

At some point, it became clear that this 'French Riviera' in the California desert was never really ever going to be.

Those idealistic dreams halted just as quickly as they started.  All building stopped abruptly and eventually most people fled from the Salton Sea as the realization set in that the water would continue to get saltier and saltier.

The sea became uninhabitable for most life.  Only certain bird species remain.

And some sort of wicked Dr. Seuss-like forest...

The origins of the Salton Sea are somewhat confusing and there seems to be a natural cyclical force at work here.  Still, you can't help but feel as though it is somewhat sad to see what might have been and what never was.  The smells are fierce and the flies are numerous.  I consider myself pretty hardy, but even I could not take an extended exposure to this place.  It was fascinating and yet not a place I would probably ever return to.

Below is a you tube video that I feel portrays the area very well.  I never did make it to the 'God Is Love' area.  Remember to pause my music player.

Enchanting Desert- Palm Springs, California

   

Palm trees are always such a special treat for me.

Day...

Taken at a gas station- can you believe it?

or night...

Did you see the crescent moon?

Peacock Flowers in the afternoon sun:

 

 Poolside beauties:

                      

Bougainvillea- the flower that tells me I'm in a place that I'm about to fall in love with:                  

 The lemon tree in the background sent me home with 

fruit that has become jelly, and I call it 'sunshine in a jar'...

The Palm Springs Art Museum with a polished reflection of natural surroundings 

that contrasts with the modern art hiding inside the building:

 

Hard to believe all of this exists in a hot, dry desert 

where water is scarce and the sun beats down 350 days a year.

Somehow, beauty that endures less than ideal conditions is even more alluring...

   

A Better Boat To Be In

Since I've been back home I have been scrambling to get things cleaned up and ready for the stormy Fall season that has already reared its ugly head enough to drop a big tree branch a little too close to one side of our fence.  Even after all the work that my nephews Dad did for me, there is still more to do.  (I once had a guy from Texas who had recently moved to the northwest ask me why people here never trim their yards.  He said it looked like some kind of unruly jungle.)  But it is much easier to deal with at this point.  I'm almost caught up and will get to some interesting stuff that we experienced during that wonderful trip that I just returned from and told y'all that I would share.  Meanwhile, indulge me as I let you in on what goes through my head while I'm out there in the yard trimming, hauling, and chopping away... 

When I was growing up there were many interesting patterns that went on in our household.  Being the oldest and the 'responsible' one I took on a sort of reaction that today we might call hyper vigilance (in psychology speak).  It was my unspoken job to make sure that things ran as smoothly as possible while trying hard to please people who were frankly not interested in ever being that pleased at all.  So patterns were very important.  I needed to be aware of who was about to have a blow-up, what was expected for holiday traditions (-you know the ones where certain people get drunk and ruin everything), which boxes to unpack first after our biannual moves.  That way I could at least keep our household boat afloat, even if the passengers on board were not necessarily enjoying the ride.

Now, as an adult, I try not to over think every little thing as I once did.  But, like most who have done something that worked for a very long time, it is sometimes hard to break a pattern. Even if it doesn't really work at all any more.

One day, while I had a contractor friend of mine over to help me put my faucets back in after we had granite counter-tops installed (cuz' you know you're supposed to hire a plumber to do that and I didn't realize how much of an extra cost that would be) I realized something interesting.  It's OK to celebrate half done projects.

In all my growing up we always did whatever we were doing until it was done.  No matter what.  Forget about breaking a project up into parts.  Forget about taking a rest.  Not acceptable.  And until not so long ago, I thought that was the best way to do it.  Be a hard worker.  Kill yourself to get it done.

And then my contractor took me aside and said, "hey, wait, let's just appreciate what we HAVE gotten done".  This was after I had successfully helped him to install 3 out of my 4 faucets, -one all by myself, and was feeling rotten because the last one wasn't working yet.  I wanted to keep working on that sucker until it was done.  No rest for the wicked.  It turned out the faucet had been broken upon its' removal and it needed to be replaced.  So I could have worked and worked and never would have accomplished more than we had at that point anyway.

This little lesson is what I was thinking about when I was out there dealing with the wind damage and saw that I would not be able to finish before days end.  The fence still needs a little work. 

Not my fence, but one that looks an awful lot like it.    Photo credit:  All Ways Fencing

Things are not as tidy as they should be.  But you know it's at least half way there and I actually think the quality of my work improves with a little time away and a second look.

Everything in this household may not be perfectly ship shape, but at least the passengers on this boat are smiling more often than not.  And hey, I can now install a faucet in about 20 minutes flat.