At the time I had so much guilt and doubt and felt like such a selfish brat. Who was I thinking that I had the right to just decide that I deserved a break? ...that I might actually function better if I wasn't working quite so many hours outside of the home?
Holy Moly, was I wrong- about stupidly feeling guilty and wondering if I was doing the right thing, I mean!!!
It has only been a month.
And this has been a month that included my sister being sentenced to serious jail time, my little dog having a horrible reaction to a basic neutering surgery (he's fine, just a bout of chihuahua anxiety as it turned out), dealing with taxes and then of course the horrible terrorist activity that we have all felt hit us in the gut- one week ago.
So I am simply amazed that I am facing a Monday morning tomorrow and I can honestly say that for once I am not overwhelmed. I am not feeling like I am behind already. I do not feel as if I don't know how I will get through the coming week.
Even more surprising is the fact that I feel as if I have not had to pull out the 'facade', make nice and make sure everyone else is good while I am busy feeling like I have been run over by something large and am busily picking myself off the pavement before anyone notices. After all, I would never want anyone to think I might not get the job done...
Seriously, I feel like I can finally breathe. And I never really realized just how long I had been holding my breath.
Photo Credit: "Guardians Of The Light" by sattva found at: freedigitalphotos.net
BREATHE SISTER BREATHE!!!
ReplyDeletexo
Got it- and I am breathing much easier these days!
DeleteBoy, you aren't even kidding about us being on the same page right now. I think last week was the first time that I actually felt like I was 100% good, outside of the tragedies in Boston and West last week (I practically grew up in West, my grandparents had a farm in Aquilla which is just a few miles away...drive through there on my way to Fort Worth all the time, live a little over an hour away). I feel like I've got some kind of balance and peace and recruiting the kids to take on some responsibility around here has been the best thing I could have done.
ReplyDeleteHang in there, friend. And just FYI, I'm not totally gone...just not writing anymore until I figure out what to do next. Hugs!
So glad to hear this. The world needs some Gini!
DeleteYou are exactly what you should be. The media, teachers, politicians, medical professionals, and otherwise politically correct homo sapiens inundate people daily with the nonsense that if there is nothing wrong with you, there is something wrong with you. Nonsense! You were given the ability to overcome the challenges of life, and you are just doing it better than most. I'm proud of you, especially because you were hit with a quite a few obstacles. Jasmine, you have "ch'i."
ReplyDeleteYou are very kind. I do think we all spend way too much time looking for something that must be wrong with us. I say if it ain't broke, don't fix it!
DeleteI do indeed have "ch'i" and respect it now. I also have chihuahua and it is wonderful!
Good for you for realizing what you needed and listening to your inner voice!
ReplyDeleteSometimes it takes a while to find that inner voice...
DeleteThanks for stopping by and my thoughts are with you today.
I am absolutely thrilled to read this post. You knew what you needed to do and did it. The fact that your body is recognizing the rightness of your decision is only right. I am just glad that you didn't put this decision off any longer!!!
ReplyDeleteJust caught up on your last few posts.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you allowed yourself to take a step back! And sorry so much has been going on lately.
I know from a similar situation (with siblings) that as difficult as it is to watch a sibling make so many bad choices in life we can not change things for them. We all have opportunities to make life better and to make good choices, sadly not everyone takes advantage or cares to take advantage of those opportunities. I am finally learning that all I can do is be there (for my siblings) in a healthy way for myself and my family. I can offer my help and support but I can't make decisions for them nor can I change the outcome of their choices.
** Glad you feel like you can breath again! Good for you for stepping back on your hours! Enjoy!
Life can be overwhelming sometimes. All you can do is keep your chin up and keep going. But taking a moment to step back and breathe, is always a good thing.
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