Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts

Friday, May 16, 2014

Don't Fear The Hurt

As our plans to get to Southern California have heated up this Spring, I have noticed that I have been subconsciously holding back in other areas of my life.  Specifically, with certain friends who I guess I have deemed as being 'too fragile' to handle hanging out and having fun with me just as I am truly planning to leave.
One friend mentioned to me that she understands just how difficult it is to manage deep attachments while simultaneously letting go.  She hit the nail on the head.
Hammer And Nails  Stock Photo
Hammer And Nails by mrpuen, found at: freedigitalphotos.net








I have lived in this area of the country my entire life.  I have some friends whom I have known since before I started school.  These are actually the friends that I have had the least trouble with remaining close to, even as I go through the process of moving away.  I think I've known that we've been through enough as lifelong friends to know that we will make it in keeping contact, even when I am far away.  It seems to be the newer friends- the good neighbors, the friends I've only had for a few years that have been the sticking point for me.  I have been avoiding them and keeping my distance.
I've realized that I have been holding back because I think I've felt that it's wrong to get close to people that you don't have that much history with and then just pick up and leave them behind.  I've also realized that I'm being hurtful by suddenly pulling back my attention and time, just to supposedly keep these people from being hurt.
Being afraid of hurting people has led me to be hurtful- even though I never meant to be.
Sometimes it's just tough to do the right thing.  And sometimes people get hurt.  But I've come to see that spending time laughing, playing cards and making memories is not wrong.
Playing Cards Stock Photo
Playing Cards by foto76 found at: freedigitalphotos.net








People deserve whatever you've got to give them, for however long you can.  And I can't know if those connections are going to last beyond 1,200 miles or if they will simply be pleasant experiences for today.  And that's OK.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Growing Pains

How come being authentic has to be so darn painful sometimes???

Anyway.  I stuck to my word.  Here's the proof.



Maybe by being open and honest about my politics, I'm asking for anything that comes my way. 

And I thought I was just being brave and hoping that maybe others would see that they are not alone here in the land of  'only leftist politics allowed'.  Silly me.

So far... one of my neighbors has accosted me with a screechy speech about the Koch brothers.  Another neighbor has informed me that she feels guns should be reserved only for those who live 'out in the country'.  And last night when I picked up a friend to take her to a basketball game, she actually asked me if I had put my dogs on the roof of my car during my last trip to California.

I kid you not.  These are completely real comments.  Including the one from someone who is supposed to be my friend.  Oh and then there's the guy who flipped me off on the freeway while gesturing fervently toward my bumper...

To neighbor #1 I answered by telling him that if he wanted to have any kind of real open conversation, he would have to pick a better opening line. 

To neighbor #2 I told her that we would have to just agree to disagree.  I really didn't know what else to say.  Believe it or not, I've never actually thought to question the second amendment.

As to my friend's rude dog comment, I simply told her that I take plenty of abuse from all the wonderfully tolerant souls here in our fair city of Seattle and I felt that was enough.  I didn't need to take any extra abuse from my friends. 

She got real quiet.  Real fast.

I'm not gonna' lie.  This is not easy.  It's just as bad as I thought it might be.

But I'd rather be honest than popular.  And I'm still smiling.  And glad I decided to do this. 

Even through the tears...

Thursday, June 21, 2012

A Twist Of Friendship


A couple of posts back, I wrote the words:  "When someone finally accepts that you really have changed for the better, they become changed as well."

Now here's a little story to go along with that.

I have a 20 year high school class reunion coming up.  I have several friends that I still hang out with on a regular basis from that high school.  We have done a bit of talking about this upcoming reunion.

One particular person keeps making it clear that she is not going to be putting any effort whatsoever into her appearance for said upcoming reunion.  I mean to the point of ridiculous.  Defensive much?!  Yeah OK, I'll admit that the gang may or may not often refer to her as 'D' and her name doesn't even start with that letter.  Anyway...

All of a sudden it hit me that she is feeling like absolute crap about herself these days.  She is probably at her highest weight ever, her husband is showing more than ever that he is the absolute ass that I've always said he is and her family is currently ripping apart at the seams.  Her self esteem is clearly at an all time low.  This person really could not be under any more stress than she currently is.

Now, there was a time when I would have been right there with her on so many levels.  No, my husband has never been and never will be capable of being any kind of ass hat, but otherwise my life has been more than full of lousy relatives and I have had years with enough weight and poor self esteem to drag down just about anybody. 

Yup, you guessed it.  For many years we were close friends because we had so much lousy baggage in common. 

And then I started to see that I didn't deserve the life that I had.  I opened my eyes to the idea that things could be different, truly different.  I suddenly decided that I was ready to move on in a big way and I did.  I picked myself up, dusted myself off and absolutely changed my life in so many ways.  I dropped any 'feel sorry for me' attitude.  I determined that I did not have to be what the past dictated.  I learned that the things my family had imprinted on me were garbage and I tossed it.  I also dumped about 50 pounds. 

During this time, my friend 'D' went behind my back and tried to befriend the people that I decided were no longer good for me.  She said and did nasty things.  She lied to me. 

I stepped away from her for a while and was very sad and angry with her.  And yet... I did not do the things that I used to when stuff like this came up- stuff like feeling worthless, emotional eating, neglecting myself and trying desperately to fix things.  Instead I stood back and let the chips fall where they may.  I trusted that things would work out as they should and even dreamed of a day when this person 'D' and I could be friends again instead of declaring that I was done with her and her crap, which of course is what I really wanted to do at the time.

But I knew something in my heart of hearts about her that someone else might not have gotten so clearly.  Because basically at one time I had been her.  I was once bitter and angry and self loathing.  And I knew that inside her there was much more than the defensive person that she often displays.

I never did even bother to confront her on all the nastiness that had gone down.  Because I have actually changed myself, I don't need to.  There is no doubt that she can see where I am now and who I have become.  She has made it clear to me in her own way that she appreciates the changes I have been able to make, wishes she could do it too and is so happy that I haven't shoved it back in her face. 

I am just here for my friend who is still hurting and going through some tough times.  I am confident that she will eventually come out the other side.  I don't just put up with her negativity and allow her to step on me.  But I also don't judge her for where she's at right now.  We were friends way before she hit this really rough spot and we'll be friends way after she gets through it.  And when she does I will be right here and we will both be better off for having remained as friends. 

I can sense that my friend knows that the changes that happened in me are real and that she too could one day be where I'm at.  Just as we dragged our baggage right along side each other at one time, I am looking forward to the day that we will both be free of it as well. 

Thursday, December 22, 2011

What I'm Giving To Friends And Neighbors For Christmas

...Or, how to use storm debris for the greater good.

(Yup, this was the post that I meant to get up before I traipsed off to Atlanta, GA for a week of above average warm temperatures and sunshine and getting to meet a blogger buddy IRL, but more about that later...)

Here's the deal.  As a kid I lived in a fairly poor family.  And we got pretty creative when it came to giving gifts for Christmas.  Looking back on that time now, I'm grateful for the things I learned from that experience. 

My mother would save up to get some parts for this particular project, but most of it is recycled or found stuff.  With a little time and your own artistic interpretation, the result is something like this:

A lovely live centerpiece that will last throughout the season!

Around here, we almost always get a good storm at Thanksgiving time.  So afterwards it's not too hard to find greenery that can be used for this project.  Since I am allergic, I use gloves when I go hunting around for this stuff and any time I am handling the greens during this project. 

If you want to try this yourself, you will also need:
 Photo credit: shroomery.org
 Those little plastic containers that lunch meat comes in or you can buy as sets with lids.
Photo credit: floraldesigninstitute.com
Some floral foam called wet foam or oasis, that you soak in water for several hours prior to the start of the project.  This is the most expensive part.  I used coupons at my local Michaels craft store a couple weeks in a row to get this stuff.

You will also need an icepick, a sharp knife, small scissors, some wire- preferably green colored, some floral picks or other glittery doo-dads and some taper candles.  I had several taper candles of different colors just hanging around the house that I used.

When I know I am about to make these, I set my wet foam in a sink full of water.  Just float them on top and they will sink as they fill up with water.  Do this several hours ahead of time.  Then head out to a park or street that has some greens you would like to use.  I only take the ones that are on public property and have been blown down.  I do not recommend strategic trimming as local law enforcement might frown on that! 

So once you have a good amount of greens to choose from- it takes me about a garbage bag full to make a half dozen or so of these centerpieces, it's a good idea to clip apart the pieces from the branches and group them into about three sizes- your large base pieces, some medium ones and then the smaller pieces that will be used to fill in at the top near the candle.  

The size that the wet foam comes in is about the size of a brick and I divided it into 3 equal parts that were just right for fitting inside the plastic containers.  Do this by cutting with a sharp knife when the foam is full of water.  When the wet foam pieces are inside the containers, you are ready to start the artsy part!

For extra stability and balance of the piece, it is good to put the first larger greens into the foam by actually running them through the plastic container.  You need to be careful to keep them at the top of the plastic container and not allow too big of holes to accomplish this so that the water in the foam won't end up leaking all over peoples tables or mantles later.  I do this by using an icepick to poke two holes down each long side and one on each end of the plastic container and then making the holes big enough to let the greens through with a little snip of the scissors if needed.


Next, you get to just pretty much go crazy with your design.  I did mine with an oval shape, but you can do it more round or just totally asymmetrical if you want. The only things that I keep conscious of at this point is that I want the design to eventually work down to smaller pieces at the top and that I want to leave space in the middle of the foam for my candle.  Just keep working away at it by adding greens into that foam.


When you have the foam pretty much covered, it's time to add your candle so you can be sure that it fits.  I take the bottom of the candle down a bit and 'sharpen' it up so it stays steady in the foam.  I do this by whittling it down some with the sharp knife.  The candle doesn't have to be put in the center as I did, either.


Now, it's time to add the last pieces of greenery to cover up the rest of the foam and even things out as you wish. 

Lastly, you get to add those sparkly things that finish off the piece.  This is where the green wire comes in.  That way you don't have to be too careful about hiding the wire.  It pretty much disappears into the greenery.


You could even add a bow or other goodies.  Sometimes I even put the finished project into a pretty shallow bowl if I want to add a more lasting gift along with the decoration.  Your friends, neighbors, coworkers, or even boss will love these and if you're not allergic as I am, you could even keep one for yourself!

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Thankful

 ...that my husband will become completely healthy next year, that he's the most patient and loving soul that anyone could ever know, that he's seen fit to spend his life with me, that he is the one person who can calm my fears, make me smile and KNOW that life is getting better all the time.

...that my nephew, Nathan, now spends his days filled with healthy activities and friends like his new Boy Scout troop, that he thinks that being the father/son team to get the most food donations to the food bank is awesome, that he is now feeling safe enough to voice his opinions about visiting his mother, that Nathan spent this Fall fishing and camping with his Dad.

...that we have cars that run pretty much as they should, a house that is well maintained thanks in part to my strong desire to move away from it, that the fences made it through last nights wind storm once again, that I never want for food- in fact have to keep my consumption of it in check, that I can afford to jack my heat up to keep out the cold damp weather and pretend that I am somewhere in the warm sun, that I have had the opportunity to visit many warm sunny places.

...that sometimes I need to experience true craziness through others only to realize that I'm grateful not to actually be that nutty myself, that I am capable of empathy for said people without having to give up my life and myself to prove it.

...that my dogs make me laugh all the time- especially when Parker proves that his nose is still working by stealing a pork chop right off a plate, that they help keep me warm, show me what unconditional love is all about, that Hailey trusts us enough even after her traumatic start in a puppy mill to literally melt in our laps, that the happy dance they do reminds me how exciting it really is that my husband and I actually do make it home every day.

...that we will have 6 adults, 5 kids, and 5 dogs here to enjoy the chaos and love that will be Thanksgiving at our house this year, that my friend is able to face her future without her husband with strength and grace and that they have chosen to spend one of his last holidays with us.

...that I never stop being amazed at what every new day brings, that life is an ever changing and wonderful adventure in this stunning and wild place that we call AMERICA!

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