Thanks... And Still Working Hard

Many thanks to those of you who felt compelled to comment on my last post about coming out of the political closet, so to speak.  I really appreciate your honesty and willingness to 'put it out there'.  It does my heart good to know that I am not alone, even out here on the left coast...

Common sense must reign, I say!

I also wanted to give a bit of an update about my husband, concerning his abdominal rebuild that he had back in May. 

Never fear.  I am excited to say that there is no bad news at all!   

You may recall having seen these amazing pictures!  We still can't believe how much more 'normal' he looks!

As the months have gone by everything has gone as it should.  However, that doesn't mean that everything is easy for him.  This has been a long and strenuous road with still more to go.  He's about 90 days out and is now having to really stretch and learn to use the muscles with the way they have been changed and re-purposed because basically some of his oblique muscles were completely moved and integrated into his abdominals. 

Up to this point he has been in a binding garment almost 24/7 to protect the work that was done and allow for healing.  Now my husband has to start the process of letting his muscles relearn how to be strong for his core.  It is a tough and painful process leaving him feeling sore on most days.

But this is all just one more step in the process and we are grateful to be doing this work.  It will be worth it.  I see those commercials with the vets coming back from war severely injured and I can't help but think that this is really nothing compared to all that.  And yet, it is hard for me to watch my husband struggle through this process.

It all goes to show again that anything worth having takes a lot of hard work to get to.  It seems these days this poor guy is always working hard towards something- whether it's all those hours of study and testing to become an actuary or working super hard to just have a normally functioning body, this guy sure could use a break!  I am so looking forward to watching my husband transition from hard work to more wonderful results and I know it's going to happen for him!

Wordless Wednesday

5-15-12

5-19-12

My Husband Is Not A Metrosexual

My husband is proving once again that he is a healing dynamo.  He was released from the hospital yesterday with the doctor letting us know that this is the earliest she would ever let someone out after what he had done.  And he's already off the narcotics and only taking naproxen sodium.  Yeah, the doctor also says he's really tough.  No kidding.

But before he left the hospital he did get the chance to experience something amazing.  Something he would never have experienced any other way.  See, since he's not the type to go have a spa treatment or something then my husband would never have thought to have someone do a body polish on him.  Well, right before he left the hospital that's exactly what he got.  It was part of the service the hospital prides themselves on as a brand new state of the art facility that also integrates non-western ideals of medicine.  

A beautiful African woman from Cameroon came in and did the body polish right before my husband left the hospital.  He came out all pink and fresh looking.  I asked him if it helped to make him feel better.  He answered that he wasn't sure about that, but that he felt 'very scrubbed'.  HA!

credit: thebunnyplace.tumblr.com

Thank You, Thank You, Thank You!

Tonight, I am just so grateful.

Grateful that the doctors declared that everything went just exactly as planned.

Grateful for all the calls, messages, prayers and good thoughts!

Grateful that my husband will finally bear far less physical scars from his journey that brought him so close to death.

Mostly just awash in a feeling that I am grateful that at 38 my husband and I know for certain that life is too short to take for granted. We are the fortunate ones to have learned this with the majority of our lives still yet to live, so much bigger and better than we ever might have if we had not experienced all of this. 

Again just simply, thank you. 

Extra Parts

You may or may not find it fascinating, as I do, how the human body is made with parts that turn out to be sort of 'extra' or have other possible uses when a repair is needed.  The fact that we're born with some of our own spare parts makes me know that a lot more than chance was going on when human beings were designed.   

In two days my husband will finally have his abdominal reconstruction and he will be benefiting from some of those 'spare parts'.  One of the surgeons is a muscle specialist and she is going to release some of his oblique muscles from up under his ribcage where it turns out that they are not all that needed and those obliques will be used to reinforce his abdominal muscles.  This makes it so he can avoid having a large piece of synthetic mesh installed which would likely be felt too much for comfort and stand a good chance of irritation or infection.  Instead he will get a nice smooth bio mesh that is grown in the lab from pig cells.  Have I ever mentioned that my husband collected pig items as a kid???  Yeah, the irony is not lost on me!

I myself have had a little work done with an extra body part.  When I was a kid I had so many ear infections that I had 5 different sets of tubes put in my ears over the course of a few years.  The tubes turned out to be a total failure for me.  I was found to be losing my hearing as a result of the holes from the tubes never healing over as they naturally should have and my eardrums becoming hardened and unable to vibrate properly.  Because of this, I was one of the first kids to have an experimental ear drum surgery done when I was 8 years old.  It was first done in only one ear so the doctors could leave me with an option for later if it didn't work.  The process involved reusing an 'extra' membrane that is hidden inside the little flap that you press on when you use your fingers to plug your ears like this:

freespirithaven.com

 

That membrane is remarkably similar to the eardrum itself.  It can vibrate and remains flexible and can be grafted onto the eardrum for repair.  This was done for me with great success and I had the second one done when I was 14.  I can still remember how amazing it was to hear in 'stereo' for the first time! 

My husband and I are looking forward to results that are just as extraordinary for him! 

Had any amazing experiences with 'spare parts' yourself?!

Update: Looking Forward To A Summer Of Change

credit: picturedepot.com

Wow, I have been at this here blogging thing for about a year and half now.   I can hardly believe it!

Not only am I shocked that I am still in the same location geographically that I started in- since this whole blog got started as a way to document the process and express myself during my much hoped for move to Texas, but certainly maybe more surprising and rewarding is how much I have learned from the other wonderful blogs that I read on a regular basis.

There are simple and major things that have just clicked for me over this past year and a half and I can't really believe that my everyday life would have been as enriched, brought down to earth, or given as much perspective if I hadn't been sharing it, even in a vicarious way, with so many of you.  I appreciate your posts and the comments that you kindly take the time to give, in a huge way.

Now, as to the update: 

This coming summer is shaping up to be a doozy.  On May 16th my husband will have his much anticipated reconstructive surgery.  It will come exactly one week after his next big actuarial exam.  We planned it that way so he could recover without having to study intensely for another test right away.  He will have a major test every 6 months for at least the next 2-3 years.  Although I am pretty OK with all the medical things and physical therapy stuff that my husband will need to deal with, I have to admit that I may run into some emotional roadblocks.  I know that I am much better equipped to deal with the challenge this time around and I trust that things will go smoothly.  My husband deserves the best outcome and I will do whatever it takes to help get him through this.

This past week my husband and I have truly set things in motion to make our dream of owning a condo in Palm Springs happen.  After lots of research on what it will take to be successful with owning and managing a vacation home, we are starting the pre-approval process.  Even though I am aware that things are different these days when it comes to mortgages, we do have a down payment ready and should only require a small loan so we are trusting that the bank will see us as a good risk.  It feels like a huge step and yet it feels right.  By the week of July 4th my husband should be feeling pretty darn good and we plan to be in Palm Springs, physically looking at properties.  With some major prayer and a little luck we are hoping to be owners of a vacation rental that is available to rent by October 1st. 

To top it all off, my husband and I have absolutely not given up on our dream of moving to Texas.  As soon as he is recovered enough to make it feasible for him to travel for an in person interview, my husband will hit the application process hard again.  With another test passed, he should be a more interesting candidate within his chosen career.  If all of our wildest dreams could be realized, my husband and I just might be putting the finishing touches on a vacation condo in Palm Springs on our way to a new home in Texas.

I certainly do believe that everything we do in this life has meaning and that all things happen when and how they should.  I also feel as if these things that we are wishing for are possible and worth planning for.  I can dare to envision a future that holds so much for my husband and I to work hard for and share with everyone we love. 

Credit: sea-life-style.com

Not Backing Down

My apologies to those who are tired of all the medical talk.  I would usually be right there in that camp with ya, believe me.  However, this is a big part of my life at the moment so I gotta' get it out there.  I will be oh so happy to be on the other side of this once we get past May 16.  That's the day that my husband's surgery will happen and then we get to work towards recovery. 

As for now, today was the day for the last pre-op visit regarding my husbands big reconstructive surgery.  This time we saw the muscle specialist.  She was NOT as happy-go-lucky, touchy-feely as our hernia doctor.  She does come with wonderful credentials and everyone says her work is impeccable.  The doctors can't all be somebody we'd like to hang out with, right?  I guess it's good to have a dose of reality to go along with my hopeful attitude.  Balance is a good thing.

So here's the low down:  Because of the original massive infection there isn't a whole lot of abdominal muscle tissue left to work with.  That means that my husband will need to have a lot reconstruction work done using some of his oblique muscles in place of most of his abs.  Realistically, we can expect to see a return of about 80% of his original core strength level.

Now usually I like to say that I am neither optimist or pessimist, but a realist.  In this instance though I am totally going with the optimism.  There is no other way to go here.  We may be faced with the idea that nothing will ever be the same and that we shouldn't expect too much, but I'm just not accepting that.  Everything we have been through so far has shown me that I should expect more than anyone would imagine. 

I am still feeling...

Photo credit: linked2leadership.com

Two and half years ago when this all started, my husband and I were living a pretty charmed life in so many ways.  We had many things to be thankful for and life was pretty predictably good.  It felt as if we had exceeded all expectations for how others thought our lives would probably turn out, considering where we both come from.  And yet, I don't think we really got it that there was so much more waiting for us.

And who could have guessed it would all happen because of my husband coming through a near death experience? 

I know people say that certain major life experiences change them for the better.  They say it all the time.  It starts to feel cliche'.  But it isn't a cliche'.  Not when you're living it.  And I am no different.  I believe that this is changing us for the better.  Even as we go through it I can see how this whole thing has made me capable of dreams I never could have dreamed before, in a pretty direct way.  I have literally gone from being thankful that my life is finally just pretty much 'normal' to believing that's it's actually OK to voice my craziest desires aloud.

One of my all time favorite inspirational pieces of art:  

Check out those road signs!

Art credit: maryengelbreit.com

There is something about already having been through hell that makes me know for certain that my husband and I are going to make it back as well.  And when we do get back, we'll be stronger than ever, ready to tackle anything else that comes our way.

Fearless Husband Update

Thanks Retta.  That was super fun!

Sometimes the right people with the right ideas come along just when you need them.  Retta over at Loretta's Journey from 460 to 199... drew the wonderfully creative item above in black and white and asked her readers to have some fun with it and add our own inspiring word.  She encouraged us to do whatever we wanted without worrying about being good or doing it right and then share it. 

I took her art and uploaded it into photo shop and then just colored away.  It was fun because I could try different colors out quickly, erase them if I needed to and then just stop when it looked good to me.  I don't think I've ever just finished coloring without every space being filled, no white space left.  But this felt right to me this time and with Loretta's permission I got to do just that!  How freeing!

And now for the update part:  With definitive information from a current CT scan, my husband and I now know that the most extensive repair with help from a second surgical specialist is the best way to go.  We want to achieve the most permanent result possible with the highest life quality quotient.  Knowing how well my husband came through the initial life threatening infection, our doctor believes that he will have a fabulous result.  So, it's go big or go home!

Do I have fears?  You betcha'.  Are there downsides to this choice?  Naturally.  As with anything worth doing there are no guarantees.  But where would any of us be if we never took a risk? 

We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.

-Kenji Miyazawa

We're Still Not Moving & Now I Know Why

First of all, I want to thank everyone for all the positive comments about my husband's upcoming journey to health.  It's gonna' go well.  I just know it.  And one of these days I'm gonna' want abs just like the ones he's getting, only I'll have to pay for them...

We're expecting a pretty big snow storm over the next few days and I know I've mentioned before about how much I just love snow.  Not.  It already looks like this:

Beautiful, yes.  I'll leave it at that.  Let's keep it positive, right?

I'm thankful that we were able to get him in to have his CT today despite the snow covered giant Seattle hills.  This CT will help give more detailed info. so the doctor can decide on an actual surgical plan when we see her again on the 25th.  I have decided that I'm just going to take in what she tells us, allow it all to sink in, and then set it free to the universe.  That should put me in a good place to be ready to support my husband in the way that he will need in May when he actually gets the work done. 

In the mean time I have realized a few things (yeah, you can feel free to figuratively whack me over the head!)- As annoyed as I have been with waiting for our plans to move to Texas to come through, I can see some good reasons as to why they have not:   
1) It's a really good thing that we are in the position of my husband having been at his current job for a long time with good medical and paid time off for him to be able to recover fully.
2) It is so fortunate that I have awesome contacts and medical referrals through work I have done over the years.  It makes me feel much more confident about this whole thing. 
3) If we had moved to Texas last August when we truly believed we were going to, we might never have discovered our love of Palm Springs.  And that really has been such a wonderful surprise.
 

So yup, it is time for me to buck up and be thankful for how this is all working out.  As with anything, there is much to be gained by the attitude that we choose to have.

I believe this will be transformative for both my husband and I.  He is going to be healed physically, stronger than ever.  And he has already shown that he is well on his way to conquering any residual fears from his prior experience.  He's meeting this challenge like anything else that comes his way- with a smile on his face and a peaceful demeanor.  I continue to admire his fortitude of character. 

Meanwhile I am going to take this opportunity to face up to the fact that medical situations were more than just a little bit weird as I grew up and not allow myself to be further traumatized.  This time will be a positive.  My husband is the best reason ever to change my thoughts and feelings about this.  He deserves everything I have to give. 

So, with a little shout out to Robin over at YOUR DAILY DOSE, I'll end this by saying that I have seen yet again that the lessons really will keep coming until we get it.  That must be why they say it doesn't do any good to shoot the messenger!

Catch Me Quick Before I Stop Being All Grateful About This

My husband and I went to see the hernia specialist yesterday.  She consulted with us on what can be done to correct everything that is left from his prior attempt at dying.  (In case you missed that story, you can find it here.)

Let's just say it ain't pretty.  Basically, it boils down to rebuilding his entire abdominal area.

The Good:  Since my husband did so great under such bad circumstances at the initial surgery, he should expect a really good outcome!  Insurance is paying for all of this.  It is definitely not considered cosmetic.

The Bad:  He's got not 1, not 2, but at least 3 major hernias.  No wonder the security in Disneyland stopped us to check what he had going on under his shirt.  Boy were they most unpleasantly surprised.

The Ugly:  My husband will be getting an internal girdle.  That's right ladies, be jealous.  For the price of a couple of years in his 30's spent looking like he's got the paunched gut of an out of shape 70 year old, my husband should be rockin' as close to washboard abs as he has ever had for the rest of his natural life.    All of this repair may involve another specialist for rebuilding muscle tissue.  We'll know after yet another CT scan.  At one point the words 'swiss cheese' were used...

And the doctor decided that my husband needs to wait to do all of this until after his next big test in mid May as he won't be able to study or do much of anything for 6 to 8 weeks and she doesn't want to mess up his chances of passing his next actuarial exam.  Even as a surgical specialist, she says she could never imagine taking those tests!

She also let us know that letting go of our past horrible experience is a must, as attitude and expectations can play a huge part in how things turn out.  I know she's right.  I get it.  I really do.  As bad as things were, we have actually been truly fortunate in all of this.  So many things could have gone wrong with that first surgery.  And the fact that I actually know lots of people who will never get a second chance with their loved ones does make me feel sufficiently guilty. 

But Damn it, this man has been through enough and I just can't imagine how much more he's going to have to take.  So, I reserve the right to be snarky about this, at least for a little while...

Quick Update On My Husband

The visit with the plastic surgeon was extremely informative.  She was super nice.

I only wish the news about what's going on inside my husbands abdomen was just as nice.  But it's not, so...

There is bad news and good news.  The bad: (cuz' I like to get that over with first) he is an example of an extreme case of what happens when massive infection interferes with the natural healing process.  Basically, to quote the surgeon verbatim- "he has zero support for his core at this moment" and everything that can be herniated is herniated.  Things have even managed to move into new and different places.  Amazing, but not in a good way, dang it!

Never fear, there is the good:  this can all be fixed with a hernia specialist and she knows just who to send us to.  And when it's all said and done, my husband will have what the plastic surgeon refers to as a 'two fer'.  He needs his hernias fixed and muscle repaired so he will basically end up with a free tummy tuck (cuz' insurance is definitely on the hook for this).  Thank goodness for that!

The surgery should happen in February.  That gives me some time to figure out creative ways to keep my husband from doing too much during the healing process.  I've already put in a call to his brother so he can visit during that time and they can do fun sitting around kind of stuff...