Not Backing Down

My apologies to those who are tired of all the medical talk.  I would usually be right there in that camp with ya, believe me.  However, this is a big part of my life at the moment so I gotta' get it out there.  I will be oh so happy to be on the other side of this once we get past May 16.  That's the day that my husband's surgery will happen and then we get to work towards recovery. 

As for now, today was the day for the last pre-op visit regarding my husbands big reconstructive surgery.  This time we saw the muscle specialist.  She was NOT as happy-go-lucky, touchy-feely as our hernia doctor.  She does come with wonderful credentials and everyone says her work is impeccable.  The doctors can't all be somebody we'd like to hang out with, right?  I guess it's good to have a dose of reality to go along with my hopeful attitude.  Balance is a good thing.

So here's the low down:  Because of the original massive infection there isn't a whole lot of abdominal muscle tissue left to work with.  That means that my husband will need to have a lot reconstruction work done using some of his oblique muscles in place of most of his abs.  Realistically, we can expect to see a return of about 80% of his original core strength level.

Now usually I like to say that I am neither optimist or pessimist, but a realist.  In this instance though I am totally going with the optimism.  There is no other way to go here.  We may be faced with the idea that nothing will ever be the same and that we shouldn't expect too much, but I'm just not accepting that.  Everything we have been through so far has shown me that I should expect more than anyone would imagine. 

I am still feeling...

Photo credit: linked2leadership.com

Two and half years ago when this all started, my husband and I were living a pretty charmed life in so many ways.  We had many things to be thankful for and life was pretty predictably good.  It felt as if we had exceeded all expectations for how others thought our lives would probably turn out, considering where we both come from.  And yet, I don't think we really got it that there was so much more waiting for us.

And who could have guessed it would all happen because of my husband coming through a near death experience? 

I know people say that certain major life experiences change them for the better.  They say it all the time.  It starts to feel cliche'.  But it isn't a cliche'.  Not when you're living it.  And I am no different.  I believe that this is changing us for the better.  Even as we go through it I can see how this whole thing has made me capable of dreams I never could have dreamed before, in a pretty direct way.  I have literally gone from being thankful that my life is finally just pretty much 'normal' to believing that's it's actually OK to voice my craziest desires aloud.

One of my all time favorite inspirational pieces of art:  

Check out those road signs!

Art credit: maryengelbreit.com

There is something about already having been through hell that makes me know for certain that my husband and I are going to make it back as well.  And when we do get back, we'll be stronger than ever, ready to tackle anything else that comes our way.

Fearless Husband Update

Thanks Retta.  That was super fun!

Sometimes the right people with the right ideas come along just when you need them.  Retta over at Loretta's Journey from 460 to 199... drew the wonderfully creative item above in black and white and asked her readers to have some fun with it and add our own inspiring word.  She encouraged us to do whatever we wanted without worrying about being good or doing it right and then share it. 

I took her art and uploaded it into photo shop and then just colored away.  It was fun because I could try different colors out quickly, erase them if I needed to and then just stop when it looked good to me.  I don't think I've ever just finished coloring without every space being filled, no white space left.  But this felt right to me this time and with Loretta's permission I got to do just that!  How freeing!

And now for the update part:  With definitive information from a current CT scan, my husband and I now know that the most extensive repair with help from a second surgical specialist is the best way to go.  We want to achieve the most permanent result possible with the highest life quality quotient.  Knowing how well my husband came through the initial life threatening infection, our doctor believes that he will have a fabulous result.  So, it's go big or go home!

Do I have fears?  You betcha'.  Are there downsides to this choice?  Naturally.  As with anything worth doing there are no guarantees.  But where would any of us be if we never took a risk? 

We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey.

-Kenji Miyazawa