We're Still Not Moving & Now I Know Why

First of all, I want to thank everyone for all the positive comments about my husband's upcoming journey to health.  It's gonna' go well.  I just know it.  And one of these days I'm gonna' want abs just like the ones he's getting, only I'll have to pay for them...

We're expecting a pretty big snow storm over the next few days and I know I've mentioned before about how much I just love snow.  Not.  It already looks like this:

Beautiful, yes.  I'll leave it at that.  Let's keep it positive, right?

I'm thankful that we were able to get him in to have his CT today despite the snow covered giant Seattle hills.  This CT will help give more detailed info. so the doctor can decide on an actual surgical plan when we see her again on the 25th.  I have decided that I'm just going to take in what she tells us, allow it all to sink in, and then set it free to the universe.  That should put me in a good place to be ready to support my husband in the way that he will need in May when he actually gets the work done. 

In the mean time I have realized a few things (yeah, you can feel free to figuratively whack me over the head!)- As annoyed as I have been with waiting for our plans to move to Texas to come through, I can see some good reasons as to why they have not:   
1) It's a really good thing that we are in the position of my husband having been at his current job for a long time with good medical and paid time off for him to be able to recover fully.
2) It is so fortunate that I have awesome contacts and medical referrals through work I have done over the years.  It makes me feel much more confident about this whole thing. 
3) If we had moved to Texas last August when we truly believed we were going to, we might never have discovered our love of Palm Springs.  And that really has been such a wonderful surprise.
 

So yup, it is time for me to buck up and be thankful for how this is all working out.  As with anything, there is much to be gained by the attitude that we choose to have.

I believe this will be transformative for both my husband and I.  He is going to be healed physically, stronger than ever.  And he has already shown that he is well on his way to conquering any residual fears from his prior experience.  He's meeting this challenge like anything else that comes his way- with a smile on his face and a peaceful demeanor.  I continue to admire his fortitude of character. 

Meanwhile I am going to take this opportunity to face up to the fact that medical situations were more than just a little bit weird as I grew up and not allow myself to be further traumatized.  This time will be a positive.  My husband is the best reason ever to change my thoughts and feelings about this.  He deserves everything I have to give. 

So, with a little shout out to Robin over at YOUR DAILY DOSE, I'll end this by saying that I have seen yet again that the lessons really will keep coming until we get it.  That must be why they say it doesn't do any good to shoot the messenger!

Share Your Story: 9-11 Memories

With all of the stuff out there about the 10th anniversary of 9-11-2001, I have taken the time over the past week or so to go back and think about what 9-11 really meant to me on a personal level.  I have been surprised at how much that moment in time and circumstance really did change my life.
So I invite you to share your own memories of this event along with me. 
Think about what it meant to you as an individual and as a part of a family or group.
Were there things that came out of this for you that were good as well as bad?
Do you live near or far from where the events of that day unfolded?
Did it affect your life in a 'bigger picture' sort of sense?  Or was it harder to identify with?
Give it some thought.  You may find yourself just as surprised as I was.  Really.

To join in, please link to my post that will be published on Friday, September 9th at midnight Pacific Daylight Savings time.

The Good Life

Over this past 4th of July weekend a couple of unexpected and interesting things happened, as they often do when we are just rolling right along through life.

First, one of my friends had their father in law die suddenly.  This guy was 91 years old.  He had recently experienced some kind of 'episode'.  Either his heart or a small stroke- he couldn't say which and wasn't interested in finding out.  He had never been under any kind of regular medical care and had no intention of becoming one of those old people whose life revolves around doctor's appointments.  So his daughters came into town for the holiday weekend, spent 3 beautiful days with him, shared meals and laughter.  When they got back home, out-of-state, they couldn't get a hold of him to let him know their plane had landed safely.  My friend went over to check on him and found him looking like he was sleeping peacefully, but clearly gone.  He had left his door unlocked, which he never did.  It was clear that he had passed on his own terms. 

As for me, I spent the weekend with my nephew as planned, but was surprised when I came into town to find that the psychologist that Nathan would be seeing was very happy that I was there and wanted to get some in depth family history from me.  At first I was not looking forward to this at all.  My family story is not a nice one.  But I didn't want to let thinking about this ruin the weekend.  So I decided not to over think it.

When the time came to give the needed information, I did so without breaking down or wishing that things could have been different.  I just told what needed telling and was relieved to find that it wasn't that bad after all.  I think I have realized that the future is whatever we make of it, regardless of a past that cannot be changed.

It is good to know that although there will always be things that we wish we could control that we cannot, there is a lot that we can do.  And that's where the good life lives after all, isn't it?

Choosing Not To Change

There are times in life when one simply must change.  And most of the time change is difficult, but at least eventually worth it.  Some changes are obviously major and others start out small and sometimes become surprising large in the end. 

One clear example of this is when a family welcomes a child.  I can't really think of anything that brings more change.  I just got back from a maternity photo shoot for a couple who have been trying to have a baby for 7 years and finally are within 2 weeks of delivery!  They are excited and are meeting this big change with happy hearts and willing souls.  I loved being able to share and capture this thrilling time with them. 

In the latest chapter of my own life, things have gotten pretty shaken up.  And mostly, much for the better.  I have written about some of that here on this blog.  Lately though, I have had an interesting relationship with change in some ways.  In my effort to be open to all that is available to me in this life, I have tried not to pass judgement too quickly on opportunities to change even if they are a bit uncomfortable.  I have 'tried on a decision' for a while before really deciding what I would do in a situation.  This is not the norm for me.  I am typically very decisive and don't look back nor regret the decisions I make.  This has turned out to be a pretty good experience for me overall.  

Still, there are a few things that have popped up that I have noticed that I just do not wish to change.  Even if there are benefits, sometimes we as humans just don't decide to change certain things.  One of those for me is the way that I speak.  While I know in my heart of hearts that sometimes my voice is too loud or carries too far in certain social situations, I also know that I am not going to change this about myself.  Sometimes people shush me or tell me to quiet down in some way, especially older folks.  It doesn't happen often, but it has happened enough that I have taken notice.  When I do try to adjust my voice in these situations and appease certain people I end up resentful and feel as if I cannot truly express myself.  I just haven't been able to find a good balance that pleases everyone and still allows me to communicate freely.  I could use the excuse that I grew up very squelched and limited in what was allowed of me.  I could say that my voice is bubbly and exuberant and that these people must be stuffy old folks.  The truth is some people are going to be offended by the volume and manner in which I choose to communicate.  And I'm O.K. with that.  Way more O.K. than I am with trying to change something about myself that I actually like.  I like it that I don't have to be asked to speak up.  I like it that I'm not shy.  While I am not usually inappropriate to the point of obnoxious, I do like being a person, especially a woman, who doesn't generally hold back. 

That's really what it's all about isn't it?  One isn't likely to change something that doesn't hold the promise of any real benefit for themselves.  The old cost/benefit analysis...  It's funny how some things just come down to that, don't they? 

What things have you ever faced and chosen not to change, and why?