Now I feel as if you gotta' put it out there in order to make it real.
Then there are the things that you don't want to talk about because you don't want reality to set in too soon, even though you know it's coming. These are usually life things that inevitably make you sad, even if known and expected. (Once in a while it's nice to be in denial.)
With those two juxtaposed ideas in mind, humor me a little as I share a bit about how things went around here today.
This morning I took my dog, Parker, into the vet for a recheck on his heart. He needed a refill of the meds. that he finally started about 6 weeks ago and the doctor wanted to listen to his heart murmur to see how well the meds. were working. This turned out to be the perfect day for the recheck as today also turned out to be one of those rare rough days for Parker. It was a day where he kept wanting to faint and was breathing pretty hard. I was actually glad that his symptoms would be on full display during the visit for once. (Kind of like when you can't get your car to make 'that noise' when you take it to the shop.) I figured it would be helpful.
Unfortunately, it was.
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My vet is super sweet and always takes the positive road. He assured me that this could just be another rare bad day. But then he also said that the meds. are doing what they're supposed to do in taking a load off the heart and that they are meant to make remaining life more comfortable for Parker, not to cure anything. He reminded me that Parker is remarkable in the age that he has achieved for his breed and then gently suggested that we only refill 30 days worth of meds.
I got what he was trying to say.
And now, to flip things completely upside down...
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Later today my husband came home with another cash bonus. Smaller than the last one, but still... And then he told me that he has also been given a raise. Along with his strong feeling that he's going to pass his next test in May, my heart is practically bursting with pride over what he has been able to accomplish recently. (And all while preparing for major rehabilitative surgery.) Property in Palm Springs is becoming more real by the day... I tell ya' give that man a goal that he really wants to get to and he can do absolutely anything.
So you can see why I might be feeling a little merry-go-roundish today...
Absolutely not sorry for myself by any means. I know everyone goes through this type of stuff. Just interesting how life can throw you onto such different parts of the emotional spectrum all in the same day. Right now, it just feels good to kind of sit with my feelings and experience them without putting too much expectation into how I 'should' feel.
How about you? What kind of day did you have?
