Wednesday, July 25, 2012

What If I'm Nuts?!

If you knew me IRL (in real life- whatever that is), you certainly would have heard by now about how much I used to worry about the fact that I might turn out to be a real nut job.  Let's just say that in my family the odds truly are not stacked in my favor on this one.  Realistically,with my family history, I have about a 75% chance of being clinically whacked in one way or another- supposedly diminishing after the age of 30 or so.  So I might be safe by now, but I also might not be.  Whatever...  I'm currently 38 and I figure that maybe it would be worse if I never, ever get to experience any crazy (as a mature adult who can make her own choices) at all.

So, yesterday my husband comes home and he tells me that his place of work will be going through a major shake up in the next few months.  He also lets me know that his department is very likely to be one that might be moved to the corporate headquarters in Boston. 

And then he looks at me in that knowing way that says that he is well aware that there is 'no way on God's green earth' that I will ever be caught alive living in Boston (there is background here- no offense to Bostonians) and says:  so I guess that we would have every reason to move to Texas then, huh?

And I answer with:  Yup.  I'll call the real estate agent so we can get to work on possibly selling the house. 

What if nuts is what I need after all?  Maybe careful planning is not going to be the answer to getting to Texas.  Maybe a shake up is what it's going to take to get me out of my safety zone and away from the idea that I can 'fix' it so my life will never be too crazy- so I can ward off all the crazy that was when I was growing up.  Maybe too much safety isn't what it's cracked up to be.

I'll let ya know!


Monday, July 23, 2012

The Magic Of A Camp Song

As August approaches, my thoughts wander back to times when I have had the unique pleasure of sharing in a camp fire sing along.  Although I never actually went to summer camp, my extended family shared their love of the old camp songs around a fire on many camping trips and I did also get to sing them at day camp activities here and there.

There is just something wonderful about those songs.  Some are silly; some are energetic.  And then there is always that moment when things start to slow down for the night and a quiet beauty takes over.  Those are my favorites.

Songs that are powerful in a quiet way leave such an indelible mark on us all.  And hearing them sung in the dark by young innocent voices is pure magic. 

I remember my grandfather remarking many times that there was nothing like hearing his girls sing.  He had all daughters, six of them- all involved in Camp Fire USA.  I can only imagine what that must of sounded like.

Today, I am thinking back to a time when I shared my favorite camp song with a girl that my husband and I would take care of on most weekends when her parents would travel for business.  She called us her 'part time parents'.  We took this girl everywhere with us and truly included her in our lives.  She really was like our 'weekend daughter'.  My husband and I were young and newly married and needed money, so we were happy to take on some extra weekend work, but as you might guess it wasn't really so much work at all.  We loved being with this girl and looked forward to our time with her.

The girl lived in a huge mansion of a house on the water and you could see ships' lights from her bedroom window at night.  That is where, every time I tucked her into bed, I would sing the Barges Camp Song  to her until she fell asleep.  The Lyrics go like this:


Out of my window looking in the night,
I can see the barges flickering light.
Starboard shines green and a port of ruby red,
I can see the barges just ahead. 

Barges, I would like to go with you,
I would like to sail the ocean blue. 

Barges, have you treasure in your hold,
Do you fight with pirates brave and bold?

Out of my window looking in the night,
I can see the barges' flickering light.
Silently flows the river to the sea,
As the barges too go silently. 

(Click on this link to hear a lovely version.)

I haven't sung that song to her in at least 10 years, but the memory is so strong and nearly tangible even now.  It seems that camp songs are something truly special no matter where or why we sing them.

Friday, July 20, 2012

Love A Little Harder Today

Last night I said the words that have stricken fear in even the heart of my happy-go-lucky husband over the 15 years he has been married to me. 
Those words are:  "Something is really bad.  I don't know what.  But it's bad."  Those words were spoken at 11:30pm-ish pacific time as we finished up a long actuarial study session. 
The women in my family are like this.  We can have extreme intuition for large negative news events or events that will cause us to lose a personal family member. 

This morning I was afraid to turn on the TV and yet a feeling of already knowing and accepting was there, just as it always is when this feeling gets to me.

Now we all know what happened.  And it is shocking.

I will be praying for all the families whose lives have been affected by this horrific act.  I will wish for a restoration of peace, safety and over all well being for everyone involved.  I will hope that all of this sad and unnecessary evil will serve to bring loved ones together in a stronger way.

I will love a little harder today.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Whatever's Supposed To Be Will Be

I have said that a lot.

I feel like lately I mean it more than ever.

It seems like especially because my husband and I were given an opportunity that we chose to pass up (in Arizona), I am really staring straight in the face the fact that I have to trust that things will all work out.  I know I want to do that.  I know I believe I am capable of doing that. 

I still have issues with trust that linger a bit.  But I'm not going to focus on that.  I will focus on my desire to know in my heart that everything will work out better than I ever could have imagined and have a positive outlook on every day, even when things are frustrating.  Even when I can't know where things are going.

Not knowing is not a place I have ever been comfortable with.

I think I have found a good constructive way to deal with my uneasiness.  I might seem a bit simplistic, but... I have taken to thanking God and the universe for everything that comes my way, even the things that are not instantly positive.  It has been amazing!

It turns out that:

In the moment, being grateful helps me to get through any anxious feelings.  And as time passes, this process of finding something, anything to be thankful for helps my overall outlook.  In an absolutely huge way.

It feels like even though I don't have any more control than I ever have, I do have control over how I react.

How about you?  Whenever you face times of some sort of uncertainty, what are your tricks of the trade?

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

That's What I Get... And A Handy Dandy Guide To Seattle Weather

Me and my big mouth.
I should have known better. 
Speak of the sun in Seattle and it is sure to make its exit.
If not sooner.

This is what it looked like today (July 10) at high noon in Seattle:

My husband says that you can still tell that it's summer because the sky is a lighter shade of grey.  Whatever...
I should have remembered that we have 12 different distinct weather zones in our state that often wreak havoc on one another so the people who forecast weather are often wrong.  And I think they try really hard to remain optimistic...

Oh well, there's still that two weeks of summer we sometimes get in early August. 

I can't wait!!!

And for those who mistakenly think that here in the Northwest since we don't get summer, we might get other actual seasons. 
Not so much.

Here's that handy dandy guide I promised you.  It's from the guy at  Enjoy!

Monday, July 9, 2012


There has been a lot going on since I got back from a recent road trip.  I'm choosing to let some still developing things work themselves through for awhile before I comment on their actual outcomes...

Since we've been back, my Nephew, Nathan, was super fun and yet super exhausting for his week long visit here: 

He played at several parks,
built some robots,
met a clients Great Dane puppy,

and even got in a workout while I caught up on some work.

And in huge breaking news in our corner of the world- I think summer is actually coming to the Northwest this year!  Sure it looks a lot like what many might call Spring.  However, just about anything tops last year and I am super grateful...

Our forecast for the week:

High /
Low (°F)
Precip. %
Jul 09
Partly Cloudy 77°/54° 0 %
Jul 10
Partly Cloudy 74°/55° 10 %
Jul 11
Sunny 78°/56° 0 %
Jul 12
AM Clouds / PM Sun 77°/56° 0 %
Jul 13
Sunny 74°/56° 0 %
Jul 14
Sunny 75°/58° 0 %
Jul 15
Sunny 75°/57° 0 %
Jul 16
Sunny 73°/55° 0 %
Jul 17
Sunny 73°/53° 0 %

Sure, maybe it's a little bit crazy to be so excited about some 75 degree-ish days without rain, but I will be out and about soaking up as much of it as I possibly can.  Gotta' get while the getting is good!

Monday, July 2, 2012

So It Turns Out Arizona Is Not Palm Springs, Texas Or Even Atlanta, For That Matter

Please, anyone in Arizona who reads this I really do not hate you or the state you live in.

I have honestly put off blogging about the whole experience of the past week in which my husband had a job interview in Arizona and we were already going to be in Palm Springs so it all worked out just great because:

1) I am actually a little ashamed at how I could possibly have miscalculated how much of a not so positive visceral reaction I could have to a place, that never actually did anything so wrong to me.

2) I do not completely understand how even though I know that where I live now is not where I want to be and going to Arizona could be a highly convenient stop along the way, I am totally not willing to do it.

3) I so wish I was one of those people who could just live anywhere and be happy about it.  Turns out- not so much.

4) I've had such a positive vibe going in my life lately that I honestly did not see this coming, as in NOT AT ALL.

5) I am more than a little bit weighted by the fact that my husband finally received a job offer RIGHT AWAY from a place that has a much lower cost of living and a whole lot more sun and we both agreed that we had to turn it down.

6) There is no respite for the wicked who won't take what is handed right to them so we totally deserved the fact that we came home to a disgusting only-in-the-northwest style grey misty 58 degree summer day.

The good news is that my husband and I totally agreed on all this.  And that we may just yet get our own little piece of what it turns out is what we now term 'desert light' down in Palm Springs.  Yes, I should have known very well that a place 4 hours away from one that I love can and will be totally different.  And yes, you can start flogging me with a wet noodle anytime now...

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