Traditions Revisited

'Christmas Background Design', Stock image, freedigitalphotos.net

Somehow, this is the year.  After almost 20 years removed from a totally different life that was never of my choosing and 10 years away from the very last vestiges of said 'other' life, I am finally ready to come full circle in accepting some good things that do exist from that life.

But isn't that the thing?  Always learning that nothing and no one are all good or all bad....

I'm still working on that.

This Christmas time it has all manifested in a feeling of acceptance that is washing over me.  A feeling that I will pass along some of what I am to my loved ones and that those parts of me that came from those I was influenced by, in one way or another, will make something worthwhile to share.

In my effort to embrace this idea that I can glean the good out and keep those things, I have found such peace.  It is a gift of great proportions.

Although so many of my childhood friends and their families are pretty much either incarcerated, dead or lost in some other way, I have figured out that I carry so much of what is good and wonderful and true about them.  And I can use my super sharp memory to pick and choose the great parts and keep them, close to my heart.

This year I am revisiting old recipes, Christmas memories, silly fun times, loyalty known only to those who share a certain kind of life; really just the simple things that are true of all human beings no matter what the situation.  It's like a sweet secret in my heart that allows me to bridge some of the old life with the new that is so absolutely different.  It's fun to know that the good stuff can always remain, no matter what.  And people are people- and there's good in them.  Always.



stock images of cookies, found at: freedigitalphotos.net

I wish a true peace this Christmas season, for anyone who shares my life now and to those who have influenced who I am and will be.

Love A Little Harder Today

Last night I said the words that have stricken fear in even the heart of my happy-go-lucky husband over the 15 years he has been married to me. 
Those words are:  "Something is really bad.  I don't know what.  But it's bad."  Those words were spoken at 11:30pm-ish pacific time as we finished up a long actuarial study session. 
The women in my family are like this.  We can have extreme intuition for large negative news events or events that will cause us to lose a personal family member. 

This morning I was afraid to turn on the TV and yet a feeling of already knowing and accepting was there, just as it always is when this feeling gets to me.

Now we all know what happened.  And it is shocking.

I will be praying for all the families whose lives have been affected by this horrific act.  I will wish for a restoration of peace, safety and over all well being for everyone involved.  I will hope that all of this sad and unnecessary evil will serve to bring loved ones together in a stronger way.

I will love a little harder today.