Risk = Reward

For reasons of simple circumstance my husband and I both learned to avoid risk.  For him it was being born into abject poverty that stole his willingness to risk much of anything for a very long time.  For me, child abuse and parental mental illness left me with little desire to step very far at all outside the box that I learned to live in.

In the last 5 years or so, we have both gone through a process of steadily learning to put ourselves out there in the world, more and more.  We are each noticing an ability to thrive at higher levels without such a large self imposed safety net. 

Being able to logically asses risk while gaining the skills that only come from having genuine failures under your belt is a true balancing act.  It also builds a level of confidence that cannot be achieved while hiding out in the 'safe zone'.

Credit: Wolfgang Sauber, wikimedia commons

If you are fortunate enough to have learned just how important risk is on the earlier side of life, you probably have a wonderful strong family to thank for that.  And if you are a parent that encourages your children to take risks, even if they are not the risks you would choose to take yourself, I sincerely thank you for your contribution to society!

The idea of risk versus reward has been on my mind a lot this week. 

My risk for this week has been relatively small but the reward was bigger than I would have thought.  While preparing for obedience classes to start, I decided to take my chihuahua to a puppy socialization group.  It turns out the group is mostly great BIG puppies- puppies that gain more weight in a week than my puppy will ever weigh when he is full grown!  I have to admit that I sweated buckets and wanted to run away while my dog hid in the corner during most of the first group session.  But the second session was so much better!  I am glad that I sucked it up and took Tanner back to the group, even though I was feeling quite apprehensive.  He was much better this time, venturing away from the walls and interacting with some of the other dogs.  It was obvious that he was so proud of himself, with his head and tail held high.

My husband is taking a bigger risk this week.  He is in Dallas, TX for an interview that will happen tomorrow.  He feels really good about his chances this time.  He took his favorite shirt with thin purple stripes, rather than the safer light blue one.  He says he feels like he belongs now that he is back in Texas.  We have been through this process so many times.  It would be easy to get burnt out and give up.  And yet we won't.  Although it has been difficult to be patient, it has been fun to watch my husband gain confidence in his abilities to demonstrate his knowledge and skill and KNOW that he will find the right fit for him.  Even if this is not 'it' for us and we end up waiting longer to get to Texas, we both know it WILL happen eventually.
As for now, tomorrow is another opportunity to walk the high wire of life as it was meant to be done- without a net!

I Never, Ever Want To Forget This

Two weeks until test 5 of 9, three weeks until surgery.  I have so much respect for how fiercely my husband is facing up to these challenges.

I've never felt so good about being in a precarious middle.  Uncertainty has never been a comfortable place for me and yet this time it works because we're doing this together. 

Working hard on shared goals, this has been an amazingly wonderful time even though we are facing a difficult road ahead.  I want to always remember how good it feels to be charging on, growing and taking risks.  I especially want to retain the appreciation of what a strong and stable person my husband is.  It turns out it's not so bad to do scary things when you're not alone and I want to remember that risk taking is not just for times of crisis.  


I hope that everyone who reads this has a person in their lives that also makes them a better person- someone who helps you push yourself just enough to find out what you're truly capable of.   

Credit: warwickpusblishing.com

Workin' Hard And Stayin' Honest

Remember when I wrote about a ton of work that I'd been offered and taken up because I really want to help make our Palm Springs plans a reality.  And then I also wrote about it being super important to me to be more honest than ever these days.

Surprise, surprise (to me) that those two goals should meet.

Let me explain.

For many long years I have done things that I didn't necessarily enjoy doing and made sure that those things were done so well that no one could ever possibly question my desire to please and over deliver on just about everything.   This has become a big part of who I am.  People know without a doubt that I am going to come through (come hell or high water).  So it's been a wee bit intimidating to ever even think about letting up a little.  Maybe giving myself any room at all to breathe or just be human.

But then, last week I actually admitted that I was kind of burnt out on a particular project for work... 

Courtesy: animalcapshunz.com

...I know.  You can hear the audible gasp all the way to where you are, can't you?!

I ended up taking some time away from a project that I wasn't quite ready to tackle yet.  (It was not time sensitive.)  I risked being a little less than enthusiastic for a moment there.  I made less money for that day.  I had no good ideas for this project at the time and I chose not to just slog through it. 

And now I'm coming back this week with a killer plan that will knock the socks off the client.  And I'm really ready to see it through to a better end than I possibly could have even thought of last week, no matter how hard I had worked at it.

Being my own boss is one of the best decisions I ever made.

Being a trusting and understanding boss to myself is even better.