I noticed several other bloggers doing 30 Days Of Thankful and I decided to join in!
I may not post every day, but I will get 30 in by the end of the month!
So here goes with days 1-5:
1) that my nephew has settled smoothly into his home school routine and that it works much better for him
2) that I've had some time to do some things that I've wanted to
3) that my house is warm inside and we haven't lost power during recent storms
4) that I've had the opportunity to meet some interesting new people recently
5) that I have some level of skill for DIY projects and that saves me money
How about you? In this month of November, what has been going through your mind as the Thanksgiving holiday approaches?
Showing posts with label nephew. Show all posts
Showing posts with label nephew. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Monday, September 23, 2013
Some Things I Love This Week
...that I met a funny guy with really bad OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) at my garage sale that insisted he could fix my computer so I wouldn't need to buy a new one... and it turned out he was totally right!
...beautiful mosaic sparkly glass pumpkins that make even me think of Fall as a cozy seasonal change that means another summer is really only 8 short months away... and that I can find lots of things to love about the other non-summer seasons.
...that my hair is blonder than ever thanks to time spent in the sun in Palm Springs. It's like taking the summer with me right into the Fall.
...how I managed to stain the deck on the very last truly warm day.
...that I have a few tomatoes left that will ripen while still on the vine.
...how glad I am that spending time at the vacation place has made me acutely aware of how little stuff I actually need to live. And that I am now putting a plan into action to get my regular home into a similar state.
...that the neighbor lady got to have a whole day of laughing and visiting and just enjoying the company of her friends while we whiled away the hours selling stuff that other people could use more than we could.
...how tremendously different my nephew's attitude is towards learning since we've started with the homeschooling.
...my own openness to new experiences that have been previously completely uncomfortable.
What are you loving this week???
...beautiful mosaic sparkly glass pumpkins that make even me think of Fall as a cozy seasonal change that means another summer is really only 8 short months away... and that I can find lots of things to love about the other non-summer seasons.
...that my hair is blonder than ever thanks to time spent in the sun in Palm Springs. It's like taking the summer with me right into the Fall.
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"Back Pose Of Smiling Female Looking At Camera" by imagerymajestic/ found at freedigitalphotos.net |
...that I have a few tomatoes left that will ripen while still on the vine.
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"Tomatoes" by Simon Howden/ found at freedigitalphotos.net |
...that the neighbor lady got to have a whole day of laughing and visiting and just enjoying the company of her friends while we whiled away the hours selling stuff that other people could use more than we could.
...how tremendously different my nephew's attitude is towards learning since we've started with the homeschooling.
...my own openness to new experiences that have been previously completely uncomfortable.
What are you loving this week???
Monday, August 12, 2013
A New Adventure!
Although it was an exciting day I couldn't help but feel a bit of underlying worry.
It is the local custom to finish elementary school in the fifth grade where my nephew went to school; not the sixth grade as I am accustomed to.
My nephew has always been able to keep up with or exceed the educational expectations of any classroom, but his social issues often create some real trouble that even the best teacher struggles to deal with.
I have continued to wonder over the summer how Nathan would do with the big transition to middle school- with all it's new responsibilities of having to move from one class to another all day, keeping organized with the proper supplies for each class, navigating each day as one of the youngest yet tallest and biggest kids in the school.
Although I know that my nephew will eventually be perfectly capable of dealing with all of this I haven't been able to keep from worrying.
Then one day last week I got a most interesting phone call. It was my nephew's Dad, telling me that he wanted my opinion on something. He was considering homeschooling for Nathan. He had many of my same concerns, especially about the transitions into this next school year.
Wow, my mind was reeling. I have to admit that I have many times believed that Nathan would benefit greatly from homeschooling, even before my worries about the transition to middle school. I have actually believed in, participated in helping with some subjects for our neighborhood kids who are home schooled, and loved the homeschooling idea for a very long time. I grew up with close friends who were home schooled and came to the public school for band classes and sports.
I also know that homeschooling is not for everyone.
Although my secret heart's desire has been for my nephew to be home schooled for quite a while now, I have also faced up to the idea that asking his Dad to do that is asking a whole lot, as he is a single parent.
True enough, Nathan lives with his grandmother as well as his father and yet I have just never been able to justify asking them to do this for Nathan.
Turns out his Dad is more than willing to be as creative as he possibly can to help out with home schooling and Nathans grandmother is also more than willing to participate. I have also signed on to take Nathan for a couple of weeks at a time just as I do during holidays now. I will be doing it more often and helping out with his schooling process when I do. Hopefully, that will help to keep Nathan & his Dad as close as they are now, without too much over exposure and frustration creeping in!
We have all agreed to try this for one year and see where it goes, knowing that often the first year of home schooling is the toughest.
Nathan will stay in his local after school program for social interaction and his grandmother will take him to that on most afternoons.
I am excited to be joining the home school movement and I will let you know how it's going!
Wednesday, July 10, 2013
Special Souvenir
We're back from a wonderful trip to Yellowstone National Park.
I should be right back at it with the blog and sharing some cool photos from the trip and such.
However, I seem to have brought back the ultimate souvenir. You see, my nephew is here with me for the next week or so while his Dad takes a motorcycle license course. With all the 11 year old energy added to the house, I'm not sure I'll be able to blog much for the next little while.
We have so much swimming and running and biking, etc. to do....
I don't know how you bloggers with kids do this!
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"Scenic View At Midway Geyser Basin" by aeypix, found at freedigitalphotos.net |
However, I seem to have brought back the ultimate souvenir. You see, my nephew is here with me for the next week or so while his Dad takes a motorcycle license course. With all the 11 year old energy added to the house, I'm not sure I'll be able to blog much for the next little while.
We have so much swimming and running and biking, etc. to do....
I don't know how you bloggers with kids do this!
Monday, November 5, 2012
A Little Good News...
...which we could all use these days.
It is hard to believe that it has been almost 2 years since my nephew Nathan was finally transferred into the full time custody of his father. He has done nothing but flourish amazingly since then!!!
When Nathan moved in with his Dad he was 8 years old. He didn't know how to use eating utensils properly. He had zero social skills at all. He rarely attended school. I actually felt pretty sorry for the teacher that inherited Nathan as a student mid-year even though Nathan has always been a bright boy. I knew it couldn't have been easy to take on a charismatic red head that was easily the most disruptive kid on the block!
My how things have changed! Nathan's Dad has worked very hard to give Nathan a better life. And last night Nathan's Dad called me to let me know that at his recent teacher/parent conference, the teacher told him that Nathan is one of his favorite students! Now, I know that I am biased. However, I couldn't be more pleased to find out that the absolute 'wonderfulness' that is Nathan is shining through!
It is hard to believe that it has been almost 2 years since my nephew Nathan was finally transferred into the full time custody of his father. He has done nothing but flourish amazingly since then!!!
When Nathan moved in with his Dad he was 8 years old. He didn't know how to use eating utensils properly. He had zero social skills at all. He rarely attended school. I actually felt pretty sorry for the teacher that inherited Nathan as a student mid-year even though Nathan has always been a bright boy. I knew it couldn't have been easy to take on a charismatic red head that was easily the most disruptive kid on the block!
My how things have changed! Nathan's Dad has worked very hard to give Nathan a better life. And last night Nathan's Dad called me to let me know that at his recent teacher/parent conference, the teacher told him that Nathan is one of his favorite students! Now, I know that I am biased. However, I couldn't be more pleased to find out that the absolute 'wonderfulness' that is Nathan is shining through!
Sometimes I Embarrass Myself
How funny that the word embarrass has the word 'ass' in it.
Cuz' right now that's about how I feel.
Yeah, it hasn't been a stellar week- I lost my sweet little dog last Sunday, and then my Nephew's family had to put his cat down last night. We still haven't heard back from my husbands college room mate (and best friend) in New Jersey yet. And I've been wanting to pull my hair out or reach through the phone and pull my mortgage brokers hair out over his 'tiny' mistake that cost us a week of waiting for a closing date...
I have been edgy and irritable. And yet there really isn't any excuse for the way I've been letting myself get all worked up over stuff that isn't going to change just because I got all worked up over it.
All of this stuff is just annoying and I embarrass myself when I don't realize how much worse things can be.
So... I'm letting everyone know that I am so sorry for being so darn selfish this week.
I think of Nathan's grandma that only wanted to go on a cruise to the Bahamas for her 10th anniversary, with her husband who travels for work so often that they rarely get to celebrate anything at all together. The trip was to be last week and they left from a port in New York city. Needless to say they never made it to the Bahamas and were lucky to be able to get back home on Thursday after riding out hurricane Sandy and 3 days of waiting in the airport for flights that were cancelled over and over again.
I think of my friends who just lost their church home. Their church was suddenly disbanded due to financial issues and a pastor that resigned. This church was really important in their lives and has been the glue that helped to stabilize them through the loss of parents at a young age, infertility issues, and a long bout of joblessness. I just know they feel so adrift without the strength of their church.
I also think of all those people who made it through hurricane Sandy and yet have not one material thing left in this world. No home, no tangible reminders of memories, maybe not even all of their family members.
Sometimes I can't believe what an ass I can make of myself.
While I can't promise that I won't let things get to me again, I can choose how I react to the daily annoyances of life. It's not always easy, but I owe it to everyone to put a little more effort into the positive side and a little less jumping to donkey-like reactions.
I'll start by concentrating on one of the main reasons I have been so excited about having a vacation condo: I have an idea about being able to use our Palm Springs condo and maybe even network with others who also have vacation properties to be able to help those who never get the luxury of having any vacation at all.
Ah yes, so much more productive than getting all worked up and annoyed.....
Cuz' right now that's about how I feel.
Yeah, it hasn't been a stellar week- I lost my sweet little dog last Sunday, and then my Nephew's family had to put his cat down last night. We still haven't heard back from my husbands college room mate (and best friend) in New Jersey yet. And I've been wanting to pull my hair out or reach through the phone and pull my mortgage brokers hair out over his 'tiny' mistake that cost us a week of waiting for a closing date...
I have been edgy and irritable. And yet there really isn't any excuse for the way I've been letting myself get all worked up over stuff that isn't going to change just because I got all worked up over it.
All of this stuff is just annoying and I embarrass myself when I don't realize how much worse things can be.
So... I'm letting everyone know that I am so sorry for being so darn selfish this week.
I think of Nathan's grandma that only wanted to go on a cruise to the Bahamas for her 10th anniversary, with her husband who travels for work so often that they rarely get to celebrate anything at all together. The trip was to be last week and they left from a port in New York city. Needless to say they never made it to the Bahamas and were lucky to be able to get back home on Thursday after riding out hurricane Sandy and 3 days of waiting in the airport for flights that were cancelled over and over again.
I think of my friends who just lost their church home. Their church was suddenly disbanded due to financial issues and a pastor that resigned. This church was really important in their lives and has been the glue that helped to stabilize them through the loss of parents at a young age, infertility issues, and a long bout of joblessness. I just know they feel so adrift without the strength of their church.
I also think of all those people who made it through hurricane Sandy and yet have not one material thing left in this world. No home, no tangible reminders of memories, maybe not even all of their family members.
Sometimes I can't believe what an ass I can make of myself.
While I can't promise that I won't let things get to me again, I can choose how I react to the daily annoyances of life. It's not always easy, but I owe it to everyone to put a little more effort into the positive side and a little less jumping to donkey-like reactions.
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Curious Donkey by Evgeni Dinev / Image found at freedigitalphotos.net |
I'll start by concentrating on one of the main reasons I have been so excited about having a vacation condo: I have an idea about being able to use our Palm Springs condo and maybe even network with others who also have vacation properties to be able to help those who never get the luxury of having any vacation at all.
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| Photo Credit: Hand Fire by Salvatore Vuono Image found at freedigitalphotos.net |
Ah yes, so much more productive than getting all worked up and annoyed.....
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Best Day Ever!!!!!!
For at least the last few years, my nephew Nathan has had a really hard time remembering that he already knows how to swim. I had shown him photos of himself swimming as a baby and toddler when I used to take him to swim classes. It didn't help. He just couldn't believe that he could swim.
Every time I took him to a pool or a lake he felt really insecure trying to swim without wearing a life jacket. Now, I'm all for life jackets when they are appropriate for safety. However, it always seemed sad that Nathan would spend all his time being insecure and maybe on the last day of a week long trip start to finally swim on his own again.
Not so, this time in Palm Springs! Nathan used his life jacket for about 5 minutes.
Then, with a little urging from his Dad, he began diving for coins at the bottom of the pool.
All this while telling me that he still couldn't really swim ACROSS the pool....
Funny how quickly he proved himself wrong!
It was super cool to see Nathan's confidence grow so much and have him realize right away that he is a great swimmer. This time there was no time wasted being hesitant or scared. I just love watching Nathan enjoy himself so thoroughly and knowing that at 10 years old, he will always have this wonderful memory of swimming so freely and loving his time in the pool at Palm Springs.
Every time I took him to a pool or a lake he felt really insecure trying to swim without wearing a life jacket. Now, I'm all for life jackets when they are appropriate for safety. However, it always seemed sad that Nathan would spend all his time being insecure and maybe on the last day of a week long trip start to finally swim on his own again.
Not so, this time in Palm Springs! Nathan used his life jacket for about 5 minutes.
Then, with a little urging from his Dad, he began diving for coins at the bottom of the pool.
All this while telling me that he still couldn't really swim ACROSS the pool....
Funny how quickly he proved himself wrong!
Monday, September 3, 2012
Nathan Says It's All About The Pool...
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| Copyright: Laughing Jasmine Images |
I am super happy that he loves it here, just as much as we do.
Oh, and he thinks it's all about the pool. All day, every day... for hours! And hey, who I am to argue with that?!
Monday, July 9, 2012
Summer?!
There has been a lot going on since I got back from a recent road trip. I'm choosing to let some still developing things work themselves through for awhile before I comment on their actual outcomes...
Since we've been back, my Nephew, Nathan, was super fun and yet super exhausting for his week long visit here:
And in huge breaking news in our corner of the world- I think summer is actually coming to the Northwest this year! Sure it looks a lot like what many might call Spring. However, just about anything tops last year and I am super grateful...
Our forecast for the week:
Sure, maybe it's a little bit crazy to be so excited about some 75 degree-ish days without rain, but I will be out and about soaking up as much of it as I possibly can. Gotta' get while the getting is good!
Since we've been back, my Nephew, Nathan, was super fun and yet super exhausting for his week long visit here:
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| He played at several parks, |
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| built some robots, |
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| met a clients Great Dane puppy, |
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| and even got in a workout while I caught up on some work. |
And in huge breaking news in our corner of the world- I think summer is actually coming to the Northwest this year! Sure it looks a lot like what many might call Spring. However, just about anything tops last year and I am super grateful...
Our forecast for the week:
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High / Low (°F) |
Precip. % | |
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| Mon Jul 09 |
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Partly Cloudy | 77°/54° | 0 % | |
| Tue Jul 10 |
|
Partly Cloudy | 74°/55° | 10 % | |
| Wed Jul 11 |
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Sunny | 78°/56° | 0 % | |
| Thu Jul 12 |
|
AM Clouds / PM Sun | 77°/56° | 0 % | |
| Fri Jul 13 |
|
Sunny | 74°/56° | 0 % | |
| Sat Jul 14 |
|
Sunny | 75°/58° | 0 % | |
| Sun Jul 15 |
|
Sunny | 75°/57° | 0 % | |
| Mon Jul 16 |
|
Sunny | 73°/55° | 0 % | |
| Tue Jul 17 |
|
Sunny | 73°/53° | 0 % | |
Sure, maybe it's a little bit crazy to be so excited about some 75 degree-ish days without rain, but I will be out and about soaking up as much of it as I possibly can. Gotta' get while the getting is good!
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Surprise- A Road Trip Adventure!
My husband and I have been planning all along to go down to Palm Springs to look at condos during the week of the 4th of July. We have saved and saved and are finally ready to at least physically look at some properties. It has been quite educational and frustrating to find out what all this entails.
Here in a nutshell is more than anyone who is not shopping for a Palm Springs condo could ever want to know:
1) As I mentioned in a previous post, Palm Springs is unique in that every other mile of the city has been designated as native Indian land. This means that half of all properties have a small lease that is paid to the native people over a long term contract that is renewable indefinitely. Basically both the natives and the city want to keep this as a simple peaceful arrangement so as to be profitable to all parties. However, this also makes fairly unpopular lending on condos in general even a bit more sticky in Palm Springs.
2) So many condo properties in this area of California have been foreclosed on that many of the communities have more units being owned by investors than actual residents. And, guess what? The banks don't like to loan on condos that are majority owned by investors.
3) Even with perfect credit and a good sized down payment, anything that is deemed 'wrong' with the community that we might eventually select a unit in could completely nullify any agreement we might actually have with a seller.
So have I mentioned that we're up against a big challenge here?!
No worries, we are NOT giving up that easily.
We're up for a look with a realtor and it's happening next week. Yes, you might have noticed that is one week PRIOR to the week of the 4th of July.
We have moved the trip up BECAUSE.... drum roll please.....
My husband has an in person interview with a company in Arizona! ...And he can't fly yet or even pick up more than 15 lbs., which would put luggage out of the question. BUT, he is feeling great and ready to do an interview so here we go- We'll be driving down and taking our two dogs along with us. Yes, we're a little bit crazy!!!
And we'll top off the trip by stopping by and picking up my nephew, Nathan, on the way back so he can have one of his week-long summer visits with us over the 4th of July.
It is going to be one big whirlwind adventure!
Saturday, April 21, 2012
I Wish I Was Better At Posting- Just Because
I get kind of hung up on the idea that if something is going to be put into the written word, then it needs to be kind of super meaningful in some way. And I wish I didn't do that so much. Cuz' sometimes blogger gold is just a little tidbit that somebody shared and the meaning comes from those who read it and then it's all really cool...
Man, I wish I got how that worked a little bit better. Anywhoooo......
This post comes courtesy of my nephew Nathan, because he actually DID tell me to tell everyone about this:
I got a call from one very happy and proud 10 year old boy today. He told me that he had caught 6 fish today. In less than two hours. One of them was a rainbow trout that was 16 inches long.
I love fishing and I have NEVER been that good at it.
So here he is. The amazing fisherman boy wonder:
Have I mentioned that I just absolutely love that kid with all my heart?!
Man, I wish I got how that worked a little bit better. Anywhoooo......
This post comes courtesy of my nephew Nathan, because he actually DID tell me to tell everyone about this:
I got a call from one very happy and proud 10 year old boy today. He told me that he had caught 6 fish today. In less than two hours. One of them was a rainbow trout that was 16 inches long.
I love fishing and I have NEVER been that good at it.
So here he is. The amazing fisherman boy wonder:
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| Don't ask me why Nathan likes to wear his life jacket UNDERneath his coat! |
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
One Smart Boy
Just about everybody who meets my nephew, Nathan, tells me what a charmer he is.
He is visiting us for part of his Spring Break this week and we have been out and about doing a lot of walking and hiking around. On one particularly difficult climb uphill Nathan was really starting to fade out on me.
I said to him that he should be able to beat me up the hill because he is so much younger than me. Then he asked me just how old I am.
When I told him, he said this: Yeah, you're 38 but you look 19!
Yup, he's a charmer.
He is visiting us for part of his Spring Break this week and we have been out and about doing a lot of walking and hiking around. On one particularly difficult climb uphill Nathan was really starting to fade out on me.
I said to him that he should be able to beat me up the hill because he is so much younger than me. Then he asked me just how old I am.
When I told him, he said this: Yeah, you're 38 but you look 19!
Yup, he's a charmer.
Monday, August 22, 2011
A Nephew Update Full Of Happy
Hi All- this one is for everyone who has suffered through some of my sad posts about my nephew, Nathan.
In the time since he has been living with his Dad, some amazing things have happened.
Here is a short but meaningful list.
1) Nathan uses eating utensils now most of the time and is still learning to go for a napkin before he automatically uses his shirt or pants. Not that different from most 9 year olds!
2) He has learned to respect peoples personal space much more.
3) The 'needy' vibe is way lower.
4) Nathan speaks of things other than video games and transformers. He still loves these things, but his world has gotten much bigger.
5) Nathan's vocabulary has exploded! He uses great big grown up words with tremendous regularity.
6) He is learning about what he loves and is interested in. It is amazing to watch him be a normal kid who doesn't spend all his time 'gauging' Mom's current mood. One fabulous example of this is when we took him to a local music museum. The stuff on display wasn't all that interesting for him, but something magical happened when he put on a pair of headphones in a room that houses all kinds of Jimi Hendrix memorabilia. His face lit up and he declared that "you've gotta hear this. This is really good stuff." His Dad told me that he was pretty sure that Nathan had never heard any Jimi Hendrix music before. A couple of days later, at the baseball game, Purple Haze was played in the stadium and Nathan immediately recognized that "great guitar stuff" again.
Just exactly how blessed am I to be able to witness this amazing transformation? Yup, hope springs eternal.
In the time since he has been living with his Dad, some amazing things have happened.
Here is a short but meaningful list.
1) Nathan uses eating utensils now most of the time and is still learning to go for a napkin before he automatically uses his shirt or pants. Not that different from most 9 year olds!
2) He has learned to respect peoples personal space much more.
3) The 'needy' vibe is way lower.
4) Nathan speaks of things other than video games and transformers. He still loves these things, but his world has gotten much bigger.
5) Nathan's vocabulary has exploded! He uses great big grown up words with tremendous regularity.
6) He is learning about what he loves and is interested in. It is amazing to watch him be a normal kid who doesn't spend all his time 'gauging' Mom's current mood. One fabulous example of this is when we took him to a local music museum. The stuff on display wasn't all that interesting for him, but something magical happened when he put on a pair of headphones in a room that houses all kinds of Jimi Hendrix memorabilia. His face lit up and he declared that "you've gotta hear this. This is really good stuff." His Dad told me that he was pretty sure that Nathan had never heard any Jimi Hendrix music before. A couple of days later, at the baseball game, Purple Haze was played in the stadium and Nathan immediately recognized that "great guitar stuff" again.
Just exactly how blessed am I to be able to witness this amazing transformation? Yup, hope springs eternal.
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
The Truth About My Sister
Some blog posts are just so honest that it can be scary. This is about to be one of those. If that turns you off, sorry- this might be one you'd like to skip. In real life, I am typically a pretty easy going person. I think I have a pretty good grip on reality and I don't see my life as any better or worse than most. However, this blog is a place where it feels safe to share what are sometimes not so pleasant aspects of my pretty normal life, so here goes...
Over the past couple of months, my nephew who I have written of many, many times before has been seeing a psychologist because of some behavioral issues that he has. Over time it had become obvious that he is not quite up to the average for his age group in many ways. Thankfully none of these ways involve a lack of IQ or mental capacity, but it is still quite important that he learn how to relate to the world in a relatively 'normal' way. So on good recommendation from his teacher and councilor, off to the psychologist he went.
Now I will admit that I am a bit skeptical of the tendency to over diagnose. It seems that almost everyone in this world is diagnosed with something these days. Plus with the history that I have witnessed of way too many people in my family going to councilors and psyche doctors for years & years and never having improvement, you could say my expectations are never high for this kind of thing. Still, I thought it would be worth a try. And it turned out that right away I could tell that this psychologist was the real deal. Once I got past her silly squeaky voice, I could tell that she meant well and wasn't there to just find a diagnosis.
My nephew did go through a bunch of testing and the psychologist met with several different family members several times before she gave us her opinion. I have to admit I was very curious to see what she had to say and I have had a burning question in my mind about my nephew for the past few years so I was anxious to see what would come of this.
The question that I have never really faced is this: Does my nephew have some sort of issue like ADHD, Aspergers, OCD- or is it purely an issue of the way that he was raised?
I think I know now why I never really wanted to face this question.
My nephew has been diagnosed with PTSD. He is nine. I am sad for him beyond words.
I am sad for the fact that he has been so traumatized that it has affected who he is and how he relates in everyday life. I am sad that he is just another casualty in a family that just doesn't seem able to function at even a relatively normal level. I am sad that the abuse that runs deep in my family couldn't have stopped with my sister and I.
How in the world does anybody have a crappy childhood and then turn around and do the same garbage to their own kids? I know, I am one to talk. I don't have any kids.
But I did have my sister- that I seriously pretty much raised from the time she was born when I was 8. (I used to drop her off at daycare down the street on my way to 3rd grade. My mother would call and wake me up and then I would get myself and my baby sister ready for the day.) And at one time I thought that the love and values that I had shared with her would be enough to keep her from ever turning out like so many women in my family have.
There is my great grandmother who allowed a soldier who was staying in her home to rape her daughter, my grandmother. My grandmother became a mother at 14 as a result of this. And then went on to have 4 kids by the age of 19. 4 kids that she did absolutely horrendous things to. Things like tying them to their bunk beds and whipping them with extension chords. One of those kids was my mother, who once had a high heel shoe put through her skull. My mother who ended up with Munchhausen by proxy and gained attention for having such 'sick' children. One of those children, my sister, became a cutter and a drug addict and is also abusive.
It seems that the women in my family are just truly sick and evil in so many ways. Ways that petrified me growing up and made me wonder who and what I would turn out to be. They were all addicts and abusers in turn. Now my nephew is the latest in the line of victims. Seeing him and how he is affected is very difficult. It is like looking in a mirror in some ways. In other ways, it is empowering. I can see the results of this long line of abuse and I can see that there is a chance to change things.
While I am disgusted by the fact that this experience with my nephew seeing a psychologist has made me look at a hard truth about my sister and who she really is, I am grateful for the opportunity to grow and be a better person who is available to my nephew in a very special way. I know that when the day comes that he just might share his deepest feelings with me, I will be there as a healthy and supportive person who can show him what life can be- no matter how it started out.
I have a good friend who has told me that she is amazed at the transformation in me over the past couple of years. She has declared that I am a whole new person. She is religious and has declared me a person who has broken generational sin. She tells me how inspiring this has been for her to see. I have learned to take her compliments and use them for good instead of denying them. I will use my experiences for the positive. I will be someone that my nephew can always count on.
I will NOT allow my sadness that my sisters life is not what I had dreamed of for her to affect my nephews possibilities. I am not 8 years old any more, trying to get a colicky baby to calm down while watching an after school special. I did the best I could then and this life is not about the past. Facing the truth doesn't have to be an exercise in futility. I will always love my sister, though I doubt very much that I will ever fully understand her. I may be sad that she will never really share the gift that she was meant to give of herself to the world. But I promise to my nephew, Nathan, that I will not let my sadness take away from what I have to offer. I will love him and comfort him and help him to grow, right where he's planted. And one day I will tell him all about how I helped to transplant him to the spot where he's at. I will share how much it meant to me to be a part of making his life a positive and how much helping him has absolutely changed my soul and allowed me to grow in ways I never could have imagined.
Over the past couple of months, my nephew who I have written of many, many times before has been seeing a psychologist because of some behavioral issues that he has. Over time it had become obvious that he is not quite up to the average for his age group in many ways. Thankfully none of these ways involve a lack of IQ or mental capacity, but it is still quite important that he learn how to relate to the world in a relatively 'normal' way. So on good recommendation from his teacher and councilor, off to the psychologist he went.
Now I will admit that I am a bit skeptical of the tendency to over diagnose. It seems that almost everyone in this world is diagnosed with something these days. Plus with the history that I have witnessed of way too many people in my family going to councilors and psyche doctors for years & years and never having improvement, you could say my expectations are never high for this kind of thing. Still, I thought it would be worth a try. And it turned out that right away I could tell that this psychologist was the real deal. Once I got past her silly squeaky voice, I could tell that she meant well and wasn't there to just find a diagnosis.
My nephew did go through a bunch of testing and the psychologist met with several different family members several times before she gave us her opinion. I have to admit I was very curious to see what she had to say and I have had a burning question in my mind about my nephew for the past few years so I was anxious to see what would come of this.
The question that I have never really faced is this: Does my nephew have some sort of issue like ADHD, Aspergers, OCD- or is it purely an issue of the way that he was raised?
I think I know now why I never really wanted to face this question.
My nephew has been diagnosed with PTSD. He is nine. I am sad for him beyond words.
I am sad for the fact that he has been so traumatized that it has affected who he is and how he relates in everyday life. I am sad that he is just another casualty in a family that just doesn't seem able to function at even a relatively normal level. I am sad that the abuse that runs deep in my family couldn't have stopped with my sister and I.
How in the world does anybody have a crappy childhood and then turn around and do the same garbage to their own kids? I know, I am one to talk. I don't have any kids.
But I did have my sister- that I seriously pretty much raised from the time she was born when I was 8. (I used to drop her off at daycare down the street on my way to 3rd grade. My mother would call and wake me up and then I would get myself and my baby sister ready for the day.) And at one time I thought that the love and values that I had shared with her would be enough to keep her from ever turning out like so many women in my family have.
There is my great grandmother who allowed a soldier who was staying in her home to rape her daughter, my grandmother. My grandmother became a mother at 14 as a result of this. And then went on to have 4 kids by the age of 19. 4 kids that she did absolutely horrendous things to. Things like tying them to their bunk beds and whipping them with extension chords. One of those kids was my mother, who once had a high heel shoe put through her skull. My mother who ended up with Munchhausen by proxy and gained attention for having such 'sick' children. One of those children, my sister, became a cutter and a drug addict and is also abusive.
It seems that the women in my family are just truly sick and evil in so many ways. Ways that petrified me growing up and made me wonder who and what I would turn out to be. They were all addicts and abusers in turn. Now my nephew is the latest in the line of victims. Seeing him and how he is affected is very difficult. It is like looking in a mirror in some ways. In other ways, it is empowering. I can see the results of this long line of abuse and I can see that there is a chance to change things.
While I am disgusted by the fact that this experience with my nephew seeing a psychologist has made me look at a hard truth about my sister and who she really is, I am grateful for the opportunity to grow and be a better person who is available to my nephew in a very special way. I know that when the day comes that he just might share his deepest feelings with me, I will be there as a healthy and supportive person who can show him what life can be- no matter how it started out.
I have a good friend who has told me that she is amazed at the transformation in me over the past couple of years. She has declared that I am a whole new person. She is religious and has declared me a person who has broken generational sin. She tells me how inspiring this has been for her to see. I have learned to take her compliments and use them for good instead of denying them. I will use my experiences for the positive. I will be someone that my nephew can always count on.
a picture taken at the Newport, OR aquarium during one of my nephew and I's many wonderful adventures!
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Independence
Isn't it amazing how when we look back over just one year we can often see so much cathartic change? How we never could have imagined what life would be like? And if someone would have told us, we just would not have believed it?
My husband and I will be going to Oregon for the long holiday weekend to celebrate with my nephew and his Dad in a town called Independence. From what I've heard it should prove to be a lovely small-town, home style celebration.
My husband and I will be going to Oregon for the long holiday weekend to celebrate with my nephew and his Dad in a town called Independence. From what I've heard it should prove to be a lovely small-town, home style celebration.
Independence, OR 4th of July parade
Who would have ever thought that it would feel so good to spend a holiday with my ex-brother-in-law? That I would be looking forward to how simple and freeing it is to know the time we spend with him is never chaotic or dramatic, just honest and real? That I know my nephew is right where he should be...
This year I will be celebrating the fact that I finally, truly broke free of the idea that family really ever had anything to do with where a person happens to land when they are born. Instead, family grows over time in a dynamic way and we get to choose who we bestow the title upon.
Have a wonderful 4th and take care of yourselves!
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Updates For Those Who Pay Really Close Attention
Today I am going to give several quick updates to a few loose ends that exist among the archives to this blog. It's for people like me who are always wondering, "What ever happened" with this or that. I have a shockingly good memory and am always thinking things like that. If you have only stopped in once in awhile this post may be strange for you or, at best, annoying. You've been warned!
1) I saw my friend with her special needs child the other day and absolutely could not believe how well the first of many surgeries that her child will go through has turned out. If this is an indicator of the future, then God has decided to take his own hand and literally heal her. The surgeon who did this surgery noticed a small imperfection in the result right as he was about to finish and proceeded to do the entire thing over. Yeah, God is doing his thing.
2) My friend with colon cancer is getting worse. She doesn't have much energy and can't tolerate the chemo very often anymore. On the positive side, her husband finally got a job after a whole year without one. Talk about a stressful situation. I know it may sound weird, but I feel like now that he has a job and she sees that as him being O.K. she is starting to allow herself to go. I'm sad, but then I see how much she suffers.
3) My husband has decided to get himself into better shape before having any reconstructive work done. He seems pretty serious about his efforts and definitely paid special attention to the results that my friends baby got out of her surgery work. It is such a good example of how different results can be when you go into the work as a completely healthy person, instead of being on the verge of death! It gives us both a lot of hope.
4) We have also realized that barring total collapse of our plans, my husband and I should be in a warm weather place in no more than a year. Based on his work towards associate level and then fellowship in the Society Of Actuaries and the tests that he has already gotten through this year, his progress is ramping up. We are thinking that maybe one more winter is worth waiting through to be sure we end up in Texas, but are not opposed to some wonderful opportunity that arises elsewhere!
5) My nephew, Nathan, is healing up quite nicely from his bike wreck. His Dad says that the scar on his cheek is already barely visible. It does my heart good to hear this, even though I know I can't save him from all of his boyish antics. I will see him again for the Independence Day holiday. I can inspect him myself then. As a side note: I sent his teacher a great big bouquet of flowers for today- the last day of school. She has been just what we needed for Nathan this year and I know it has not been easy having him come into her class in January of this year. She has gone above and beyond the call of duty for him.
6) We are still experiencing June-uary type weather here. We have had a total of 3 days that have edged up into the low 70's. I know some of you would like some relief from your relentless heat and humidity. Until I can get an audience with whoever is in charge, we'll just have to suffer through and continue to believe the grass in greener on the other side.
7) My dog seems to have hit a nice mellow spot in his journey with dementia. The meds. are really helping and he has not had any problems with negative personality changes at all, which I have been warned can get ugly. He is continuing to stay true to his nature of always bouncing back just when you suspect that he might be headed downhill. I will be so grateful if he can just fade away quietly in his sleep one day...
I think I have hit on just about everything I can think of. So, if there's anything else- feel free to ask. I like keeping up with others and what they're up to as well.
1) I saw my friend with her special needs child the other day and absolutely could not believe how well the first of many surgeries that her child will go through has turned out. If this is an indicator of the future, then God has decided to take his own hand and literally heal her. The surgeon who did this surgery noticed a small imperfection in the result right as he was about to finish and proceeded to do the entire thing over. Yeah, God is doing his thing.
2) My friend with colon cancer is getting worse. She doesn't have much energy and can't tolerate the chemo very often anymore. On the positive side, her husband finally got a job after a whole year without one. Talk about a stressful situation. I know it may sound weird, but I feel like now that he has a job and she sees that as him being O.K. she is starting to allow herself to go. I'm sad, but then I see how much she suffers.
3) My husband has decided to get himself into better shape before having any reconstructive work done. He seems pretty serious about his efforts and definitely paid special attention to the results that my friends baby got out of her surgery work. It is such a good example of how different results can be when you go into the work as a completely healthy person, instead of being on the verge of death! It gives us both a lot of hope.
4) We have also realized that barring total collapse of our plans, my husband and I should be in a warm weather place in no more than a year. Based on his work towards associate level and then fellowship in the Society Of Actuaries and the tests that he has already gotten through this year, his progress is ramping up. We are thinking that maybe one more winter is worth waiting through to be sure we end up in Texas, but are not opposed to some wonderful opportunity that arises elsewhere!
5) My nephew, Nathan, is healing up quite nicely from his bike wreck. His Dad says that the scar on his cheek is already barely visible. It does my heart good to hear this, even though I know I can't save him from all of his boyish antics. I will see him again for the Independence Day holiday. I can inspect him myself then. As a side note: I sent his teacher a great big bouquet of flowers for today- the last day of school. She has been just what we needed for Nathan this year and I know it has not been easy having him come into her class in January of this year. She has gone above and beyond the call of duty for him.
6) We are still experiencing June-uary type weather here. We have had a total of 3 days that have edged up into the low 70's. I know some of you would like some relief from your relentless heat and humidity. Until I can get an audience with whoever is in charge, we'll just have to suffer through and continue to believe the grass in greener on the other side.
7) My dog seems to have hit a nice mellow spot in his journey with dementia. The meds. are really helping and he has not had any problems with negative personality changes at all, which I have been warned can get ugly. He is continuing to stay true to his nature of always bouncing back just when you suspect that he might be headed downhill. I will be so grateful if he can just fade away quietly in his sleep one day...
I think I have hit on just about everything I can think of. So, if there's anything else- feel free to ask. I like keeping up with others and what they're up to as well.
Friday, June 3, 2011
All Kinds Of Growth
I'm finally seeing some signs of hope that we really will be enjoying some sunny weather here in the Northwest at some point. The pink rhododendrons at the front of my house have exploded!
Seeing this lovely display and reading some of the posts about peoples gardens, such as those at Middle Passages or Faith Love Kids and Me have inspired me to give planting some edibles a chance again. When I was a kid we never planted any food plants and I always wanted to. Then when I was newly married I tried a few but didn't have any idea what I was doing and I was not successful at all! Now I have realized that if I just give the food crop plants much of the same care I give the flowers I do well with, then I'll probably see some decent results. Yeah, I know- a real epiphany!
Also, over the past long weekend, I took care of a funny little puppy for one of the people I work for. She is a hairless Chinese Crested and looks like this:
She feels like an elephant and will only ever have hair on her head, tail and feet- kind of like a pony.
At first we were a little put off by her appearance as you really can't imagine how different from an average dog she is without seeing her in person. But within a couple of days I grew to like how warm her skin always is and realized that her personality is absolutely super! As she got comfortable with us, she showed us how wild and crazy she can be and proceeded to run non-stop and go in fits about the house looking for the next thing she would chew!
On Monday night I got a call from my nephew Nathan's Dad. He let me know that Nathan was in the Emergency Room because of a bike accident. Nathan was riding on a bike trail and had just made it down a pretty steep hill when he hit a bump where a tree root protruded up into the trail. Nathan took a major face plant and came up with a tooth protruding from his cheek! At the ER it was discovered that he had 3 broken teeth while the doctors superglued his cheek shut!!! After a few hours of worry and research we figured out that Nathan follows my slow growth pattern and his 3 teeth were only baby teeth. (Because his Dad only got custody in December, we didn't know for sure.) Whew! What a relief. I'm glad to report that no, I don't have any pictures of this and yes, Nathan is going to be fine and was in school showing off his cracked bike helmet on Tuesday. A typical boy who says he will be more careful in the future.
We'll see about that!
They are native plants that grow wild in many areas out here and have apparently benefited greatly from all the rain we have gotten. I've never seen them bloom so much before!
Seeing this lovely display and reading some of the posts about peoples gardens, such as those at Middle Passages or Faith Love Kids and Me have inspired me to give planting some edibles a chance again. When I was a kid we never planted any food plants and I always wanted to. Then when I was newly married I tried a few but didn't have any idea what I was doing and I was not successful at all! Now I have realized that if I just give the food crop plants much of the same care I give the flowers I do well with, then I'll probably see some decent results. Yeah, I know- a real epiphany!
Also, over the past long weekend, I took care of a funny little puppy for one of the people I work for. She is a hairless Chinese Crested and looks like this:
She feels like an elephant and will only ever have hair on her head, tail and feet- kind of like a pony.
At first we were a little put off by her appearance as you really can't imagine how different from an average dog she is without seeing her in person. But within a couple of days I grew to like how warm her skin always is and realized that her personality is absolutely super! As she got comfortable with us, she showed us how wild and crazy she can be and proceeded to run non-stop and go in fits about the house looking for the next thing she would chew!
On Monday night I got a call from my nephew Nathan's Dad. He let me know that Nathan was in the Emergency Room because of a bike accident. Nathan was riding on a bike trail and had just made it down a pretty steep hill when he hit a bump where a tree root protruded up into the trail. Nathan took a major face plant and came up with a tooth protruding from his cheek! At the ER it was discovered that he had 3 broken teeth while the doctors superglued his cheek shut!!! After a few hours of worry and research we figured out that Nathan follows my slow growth pattern and his 3 teeth were only baby teeth. (Because his Dad only got custody in December, we didn't know for sure.) Whew! What a relief. I'm glad to report that no, I don't have any pictures of this and yes, Nathan is going to be fine and was in school showing off his cracked bike helmet on Tuesday. A typical boy who says he will be more careful in the future.
We'll see about that!
Monday, April 11, 2011
All The Disney Details- Nathan's First Day At Disneyland
Yes, I realize this has been delayed for a bit more than a reasonable amount of time. Let's just say that the last week has been a deep well of fodder for future blog posts. More on that later... Without further ado, here is the post and some photos about my nephew's first day in Disneyland.
On the way down to California, Nathan had rattled on and on all about Lego Land. And he had wondered why we were only spending one day there and three days in Disneyland. I kept trying to explain and it helped that my friend had sent books with cool info. and pictures about the resort, but in the end Nathan found out why we would be there for a whole three days for himself. He did really enjoy Lego Land, especially after waiting a year and half to get there. However, on the car ride back all we heard about was Disney Land and California Adventure. I had suspected this might be the case. He has a heart for Disney just like me.
Nathan would declare different rides as his favorite every day and the list became a great source of humor as he got down to his sixth and seventh favorites and then forgot one and had to start over, reordering the entire list!
Once we finally got to the park, we had to take care of one special request that his grandmother had made. She said he simply must get a set of Mickey Ears. So we headed straight to the Mad Hatter and did just that.
On the way down to California, Nathan had rattled on and on all about Lego Land. And he had wondered why we were only spending one day there and three days in Disneyland. I kept trying to explain and it helped that my friend had sent books with cool info. and pictures about the resort, but in the end Nathan found out why we would be there for a whole three days for himself. He did really enjoy Lego Land, especially after waiting a year and half to get there. However, on the car ride back all we heard about was Disney Land and California Adventure. I had suspected this might be the case. He has a heart for Disney just like me.
Nathan would declare different rides as his favorite every day and the list became a great source of humor as he got down to his sixth and seventh favorites and then forgot one and had to start over, reordering the entire list!
Once we finally got to the park, we had to take care of one special request that his grandmother had made. She said he simply must get a set of Mickey Ears. So we headed straight to the Mad Hatter and did just that.
Yup, he chose a pair of R2-D2 style ears!
And he looked so dang cute in them!
We had started in Fantasyland and Nathan's first ride was Peter Pan's Flight. It was so neat to watch his face as he took in the magic. It didn't take long though for him to realize that there were some more 'thrilling' type rides in this park as well. We ended up in Tomorrowland where he discovered what I think is one of his true favorites:
And my husband's favorite- anything with the Little Green Men on it:
Nathan was most into the 'big kid' rides, such as the Big Thunder Mountain Railroad, the Matterhorn Bobsleds, and Space Mountain. He also loved the theme rides like the Jungle Boat Cruise and Pirates Of The Caribbean. Nathan was basically game for anything, even 'little kid' type activities and the only thing he decided that he didn't like were the lines! That first day, Disneyland was a very busy place. Thankfully the next two days were a lot less crowded.
We ended that first night with a yummy wood-fire cooked pizza at Naples in Downtown Disney. It was fun to watch them make the pizzas right there in front of us.
This kid definitely had an awesome time!
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