I finally did it.
I threw caution to the wind and did something that I have been wanting to do for years now.
I cut back on work.
Not tried to hold back a little.
Not even worked out my schedule so that things would be more even.
I actually, truly, cut back.
This involved telling someone that I could not take on their friend as a new client.
It also involved letting long time clients know that my time is now limited.
It wasn't easy.
And I felt pretty lousy guilty for a few days.
So much so that I was even tempted to take it back.
But then I remembered why I had always wanted to do this.
I love a well oiled smoothly running household that is a pleasure to live in.
I love being better equipped to handle the annoyances that life will throw at all/any of us.
I love being home to greet my husband with dinner,
And having the time to do the little extras that make life more pleasant.
I kept telling myself that when we moved to Texas I would be able to afford to do this- lower cost of living and all. The northwest is truly one of the most expensive places a person can live in.
Then I realized that I could always have an excuse to keep waiting to live the life I really want to.
The excuses list goes a little something like this: 1) With no kids in the house, then I don't really have the right to cut back on work. 2) My husband & I both grew up poor and both worry about ever being poor again so I should do whatever I can to sock away cash so we won't have to worry. 3) I'm good at what I do and people need me. 4) My husband works so hard, so I should too. And on and on....
Guess what? 1) I don't really care what people think about me not having kids. I can do whatever I want for whatever reason I want to, as long as I'm not hurting or relying on others to take care of my household. 2) We're not poor anymore. And frankly we've both done everything we can to make sure that will never be the case again. If it ever is, we both have plenty of experience in dealing with that situation. 3) Yup, I'm very good at what I do and it's nice to be needed. I also need to do what makes me truly happy and fulfilled as a human being. 4) Yup, my husband works damn hard and he loves having me available to take care of life's little annoyances and to welcome him home at the end of the day. It makes his life better.
So there you have it. If you have something that you've been meaning to do and you know it's true to your soul to do it, then don't hesitate anymore. Even if it's scary. Stop making excuses and live!
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Friday, March 15, 2013
Fast Cars & Freedom
...or a closer look into how my mind works- which is either fascinating or scary. Take your pick.
This morning on the news I saw this video, which is hilarious and awesome no matter how you look at it. Some people are all caught up over whether or not it is a 'fake out'. Whatever...
Seeing the story about this video reminded me of the book event that my neighbor and I went to last Friday about Garth Stein's book called The Art Of Racing In The Rain. It's a really cool read that my neighbor loaned to me about a year ago. It's an interesting story about all different aspects of life and family that is narrated by a dog. It's non-traditional and yet all about morals and values- kind of like me. Oh, and one of the characters is a race car driver...
So then, thinking about the book reading and that story made me think of one interesting aspect of my growing up. I've referenced before that my childhood was mainly one of fear and desperation. However, even those of us who grew up being abused have had times of complete contentment. One of those times for me was when my mother was racing stock cars with her ex-husband on weekends at the local track here in Monroe, Washington. Sometimes the races wouldn't end until 2am and the cars wouldn't be back in the trailers until after 3am. My worked up little kid mind wouldn't allow me to miss a single moment of it. To say that I loved these weekends of revving engines and smoke at the track would be a serious understatement.
I lived for those weekends of watching my mother's number 42 Super Stock Mustang weave its way through the figure 8 pattern time and time again, feeling the thrill of the danger at the cross-over. This was one of the few things she and I ever saw eye to eye on. I have to admit that those nights of experiencing the rumble through the stadium and always being just seconds away from witnessing death made me feel alive in a way that I've never known otherwise. And though we've never talked about it, I know in my heart that this living on the edge is the one thing that I am so thrilled to have inherited from my mother.
Still, it wouldn't be fair to write of this without mentioning the fact that sometimes, after a really bad week at home, I might have even thought that if this particular weekend it was my mother who would crash then it was meant to be my way out of the darkness. Yes, the heart can sometimes connect our strongest feelings of love and hate- and it can be shocking.
I was 4 and a half when my mother stopped racing. I remember her telling everyone that she felt she should quit because I didn't have a father in the picture and it was just too dangerous. But I also remember that she quit shortly after the night that she had to have a seat belt extender added so that she could fit her rapidly growing heavier and heavier body into the car.
Whatever the reason that the racing ended, it was in my blood for good. Later on when a family friend asked me if I would like to join his team as a secondary driver, because it was good to have a female driver on the team, I didn't hesitate. After all I had been taught to drive by a racer, so this felt perfectly natural to me.
It turns out it was not to be. My friends car was wrecked before I ever got the chance to actually race. I did have several practice runs at the track that left me feeling free in a way that I have rarely been able to repeat.
In thinking of how fantastically free the fast driving on the race track left me, my mind naturally wanders on to the fact that the state of Montana has always held a special place in my heart. Not only is Montana 'the last best place' out west, but there was a time between December Of 1995 and May of 1999 when Montana had no daytime speed limit! It was truly awesome. You could see for miles and drive over 100 mph, as long as the weather conditions and lack of other traffic would allow that decision to be considered 'reasonable and prudent'.
All of this comes back around full circle in my mind, as so many things do for me. That's it in a nutshell- my way of thinking. One thing reminds me of another and another... And nothing is ever truly gone from my mind. There's a lot of files in there- with a forever growing filing system, apparently.
So here I am with the last piece of today's puzzle. The song below that brings it all together for me. I first heard this song while away for a weekend in Montana, but it was after the speed limit was changed. I may or may not have decided to take the chance on going over the speed limit that day. I drive with a radar detector, so I guess we'll never know for sure...
This morning on the news I saw this video, which is hilarious and awesome no matter how you look at it. Some people are all caught up over whether or not it is a 'fake out'. Whatever...
Seeing the story about this video reminded me of the book event that my neighbor and I went to last Friday about Garth Stein's book called The Art Of Racing In The Rain. It's a really cool read that my neighbor loaned to me about a year ago. It's an interesting story about all different aspects of life and family that is narrated by a dog. It's non-traditional and yet all about morals and values- kind of like me. Oh, and one of the characters is a race car driver...
So then, thinking about the book reading and that story made me think of one interesting aspect of my growing up. I've referenced before that my childhood was mainly one of fear and desperation. However, even those of us who grew up being abused have had times of complete contentment. One of those times for me was when my mother was racing stock cars with her ex-husband on weekends at the local track here in Monroe, Washington. Sometimes the races wouldn't end until 2am and the cars wouldn't be back in the trailers until after 3am. My worked up little kid mind wouldn't allow me to miss a single moment of it. To say that I loved these weekends of revving engines and smoke at the track would be a serious understatement.
I lived for those weekends of watching my mother's number 42 Super Stock Mustang weave its way through the figure 8 pattern time and time again, feeling the thrill of the danger at the cross-over. This was one of the few things she and I ever saw eye to eye on. I have to admit that those nights of experiencing the rumble through the stadium and always being just seconds away from witnessing death made me feel alive in a way that I've never known otherwise. And though we've never talked about it, I know in my heart that this living on the edge is the one thing that I am so thrilled to have inherited from my mother.
Still, it wouldn't be fair to write of this without mentioning the fact that sometimes, after a really bad week at home, I might have even thought that if this particular weekend it was my mother who would crash then it was meant to be my way out of the darkness. Yes, the heart can sometimes connect our strongest feelings of love and hate- and it can be shocking.
I was 4 and a half when my mother stopped racing. I remember her telling everyone that she felt she should quit because I didn't have a father in the picture and it was just too dangerous. But I also remember that she quit shortly after the night that she had to have a seat belt extender added so that she could fit her rapidly growing heavier and heavier body into the car.
Whatever the reason that the racing ended, it was in my blood for good. Later on when a family friend asked me if I would like to join his team as a secondary driver, because it was good to have a female driver on the team, I didn't hesitate. After all I had been taught to drive by a racer, so this felt perfectly natural to me.
It turns out it was not to be. My friends car was wrecked before I ever got the chance to actually race. I did have several practice runs at the track that left me feeling free in a way that I have rarely been able to repeat.
In thinking of how fantastically free the fast driving on the race track left me, my mind naturally wanders on to the fact that the state of Montana has always held a special place in my heart. Not only is Montana 'the last best place' out west, but there was a time between December Of 1995 and May of 1999 when Montana had no daytime speed limit! It was truly awesome. You could see for miles and drive over 100 mph, as long as the weather conditions and lack of other traffic would allow that decision to be considered 'reasonable and prudent'.
All of this comes back around full circle in my mind, as so many things do for me. That's it in a nutshell- my way of thinking. One thing reminds me of another and another... And nothing is ever truly gone from my mind. There's a lot of files in there- with a forever growing filing system, apparently.
So here I am with the last piece of today's puzzle. The song below that brings it all together for me. I first heard this song while away for a weekend in Montana, but it was after the speed limit was changed. I may or may not have decided to take the chance on going over the speed limit that day. I drive with a radar detector, so I guess we'll never know for sure...
Friday, March 8, 2013
Rocks
Today I going all theme on ya'. Let's see how I do...
*all emoticon smileys found at freesmileys.org
That new mattress I got was so waaaay overdue. The old one was definitely not unlike sleeping on rocks and the new one rocks my socks off- which is pretty hard to do, since it's still wet-cold here in the northwest.
My nephew Nathan is having his best school year ever! The principal says she will miss him dearly when he moves up to the new school next year. Y'all know just how much that rocks my world!
I am having a series of rather pleasant dreams that turn into nightmares because just when things are getting real good my mother shows up totally unexpectedly and ruins everything. Yeah, sucks rocks.
Rand Paul's old school filibuster was awesome. And you don't have to agree with everything the man does or says to know that on this particular point- he rocks!
I'm gonna' put this one right here in the middle because maybe that way it won't seem quite so rotten... I don't wanna' to dwell, just wanna' tell. Keeping things to yourself can be a bit unhealthy. So here's the deal. My sister is about to go to trial. (She's not as smart as JJ had hoped.) Through this process of the last of her evidentiary hearings, I have learned that my sister is about to be also charged with criminal abuse of a mentally handicapped person because she used this woman to do some of her dirty work, as she knew that no one would suspect a brain damaged woman. Makes my heart sink like a bag of rocks.
Because my little pup needs to burn off energy, I have taken to adding an extra walk, first thing in the morning, to his day. That means that I am now outside at a time that is usually a rain free part of the day. Around here, that rocks hard!
Only 2 weeks until I'm back in Palm Springs enjoying the warm sun! Totally rocks!
Having friends and neighbors stay in our Palm Springs condo has turned out to be so much fun. Even though of course we wish we were there ourselves, there is certainly something that completely rocks about hearing the happiness in their voices, reading the lovely emails and knowing that there are people in the world who are having the time of their life because we have chosen to share a place we love.
Rock on, my friends, rock on!
*all emoticon smileys found at freesmileys.org
That new mattress I got was so waaaay overdue. The old one was definitely not unlike sleeping on rocks and the new one rocks my socks off- which is pretty hard to do, since it's still wet-cold here in the northwest.
My nephew Nathan is having his best school year ever! The principal says she will miss him dearly when he moves up to the new school next year. Y'all know just how much that rocks my world!
I am having a series of rather pleasant dreams that turn into nightmares because just when things are getting real good my mother shows up totally unexpectedly and ruins everything. Yeah, sucks rocks.
Rand Paul's old school filibuster was awesome. And you don't have to agree with everything the man does or says to know that on this particular point- he rocks!
I'm gonna' put this one right here in the middle because maybe that way it won't seem quite so rotten... I don't wanna' to dwell, just wanna' tell. Keeping things to yourself can be a bit unhealthy. So here's the deal. My sister is about to go to trial. (She's not as smart as JJ had hoped.) Through this process of the last of her evidentiary hearings, I have learned that my sister is about to be also charged with criminal abuse of a mentally handicapped person because she used this woman to do some of her dirty work, as she knew that no one would suspect a brain damaged woman. Makes my heart sink like a bag of rocks.
Because my little pup needs to burn off energy, I have taken to adding an extra walk, first thing in the morning, to his day. That means that I am now outside at a time that is usually a rain free part of the day. Around here, that rocks hard!
Only 2 weeks until I'm back in Palm Springs enjoying the warm sun! Totally rocks!
Having friends and neighbors stay in our Palm Springs condo has turned out to be so much fun. Even though of course we wish we were there ourselves, there is certainly something that completely rocks about hearing the happiness in their voices, reading the lovely emails and knowing that there are people in the world who are having the time of their life because we have chosen to share a place we love.
Rock on, my friends, rock on!
Monday, March 4, 2013
Onward And Upward
No worries here.
Annoyed and irritated with this whole endeavour of getting to Texas, but never defeated.
I think back to our other life adventures and heck this trying to move to Texas thing is simply going peachy, in comparison. So, whatever... I'm over it- for now.
The big news around here is that I'm getting a new mattress delivered on Wednesday. Yay! I've been putting this off for about 2 years- thinking that if I was planning to move, then I didn't need one. But my back and my hips are saying it's time. So if the worst that happens is that I end up leaving behind a 'practically brand new mattress', well hell there's worse things that can happen.
Like putting your life on hold.
Really people, we shouldn't ever be doing that.
'Cuz it's more annoying than an HR department that doesn't read resumes and it can lead to a real pain in the ass.
Literally.
Annoyed and irritated with this whole endeavour of getting to Texas, but never defeated.
I think back to our other life adventures and heck this trying to move to Texas thing is simply going peachy, in comparison. So, whatever... I'm over it- for now.
The big news around here is that I'm getting a new mattress delivered on Wednesday. Yay! I've been putting this off for about 2 years- thinking that if I was planning to move, then I didn't need one. But my back and my hips are saying it's time. So if the worst that happens is that I end up leaving behind a 'practically brand new mattress', well hell there's worse things that can happen.
Like putting your life on hold.
Really people, we shouldn't ever be doing that.
'Cuz it's more annoying than an HR department that doesn't read resumes and it can lead to a real pain in the ass.
Literally.
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"Doctor Does Injection To Patient" by renjith krishnan
Found at: freedigitalphotos.net
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