|Art by Stuart Miles, found at freedigitalphotos.net|
'Maybe' was said in the presence of others for the purpose of keeping up a charade.
'Maybe' was nothing more than a negative disguised as openness, so outsiders wouldn't suspect how rigid things really were.
'Maybe' was reserved for those few moments when I forgot the rules, slipped up and made a request in public. 'Maybe' was code for "don't make that mistake again."
It's funny how even after we learn that the rest of the world is not the same as what we may have experienced growing up, the effects of the ingrained lessons of our family will often linger on- even if we don't mean for them to. Sometimes it catches us by surprise just when we feel how strong we are and just when there's really no reason to fall back into old habits.
Right now I am awaiting the final answer to a fairly big 'maybe'. And I'm reminding myself that an answer of yes or no is just that. An answer. A fair answer that doesn't mean anything other than that.
Life is full of questions and answers and sitting with a 'maybe' is not necessarily a bad thing.
Maybe that's what life is... a wink of the eye and winking stars.