Wednesday, January 29, 2014

What If, Wednesday

So the Musical Monday thing has been a bit hit & miss....

I think I'll try another tactic- What If, Wednesday!
This one might fit into my natural life schedule a bit better.  We'll see.

I love a good question that gets people thinking and interacting.  That's what I'm going for here.

My first 'What If ' will be this:  What if I really did just stick to hanging out with only the people who bring me positivity?

While I'm certain that I might feel better most of the time, would I be limiting myself to just the 'hunky-dory' side of life?  Am I more tolerant for putting up with people who seem to have a big slice of negativity in their life?  Or do I just invite abuse and bring myself down unnecessarily?  Can I ever really make a difference for someone who always sees the rotten/drama/unworkable side to every situation?  What if everyone gave up on these people?  What about long term friendships/family members?

Now, I'm not talking about someone having a bad day here.  You know the people who just keep bringing you down and you know that's it's more than a bad day.

I'm really curious to get other people's take on this.

A bad attitude is like a flat tire.  
You can't go anywhere until you change it.


  1. I married a negative person so I pretty much stay positive for the most part. While it does bother me at times I figure it's his problem. He has gotten better over the years so I'll take credit for that. He has gone to Church with me the last two Sundays - that's Huge. We can't let others steal our joy. Sometimes when he exaggerates something negative I will jokingly say, "Oh no, we're all gonna die!" Play along and turn into something funny or respond and call them out on it. It depends on the situation which approach I take. Take care.

    1. This is a good take on how to deal with negative people in a light-hearted way. I think it would also give some real insight into who is and who isn't really a lost cause. I like how well you deal with reality and what is and isn't changeable...mostly ourselves of course!

  2. I'm a pessimist but hubby is an eternal optimist. I think God made us to balance each other out.

    1. I think you must be on to something! While I am super outgoing and often the life of the party, my husband has learned to show his wit and wisdom with perfect timing even though he is more naturally understated. And I have loved stepping out of the limelight sometimes just to watch my husband work a room with his own brand of magic.

  3. In my experience, being around negative people/situations, only brings me down. It brings me angst and worry and suffering. I don't need that in my life. I don't believe that being around positive people all of the time is a bad thing either. But lets be honest, as hard as we try to be positive all the time, we aren't always. We are only human. But that's what is so great, we can try again. The Negative Nellies suck you dry. Don't let them girl!

    1. Yes, absolutely want to avoid getting caught up in too much negativity. I think I'm getting better at it.
      The tough thing is the people I am kind of on the fence about. I really have to think about how they affect the way I relate to my surroundings and what the overall feeling is when I spend time with them.
      I think I'm getting better at figuring out who really needs to go. I feel the sucking of energy and no matter how hard I try some people just want to be miserable!

  4. A great idea to get people thinking. They like that.
    When I was younger, I didn't want to hurt people so I just put up with the boring and the negative ones. What a waste of time! Now that my time here is limited, I don't want to waste any of the precious moments so I wish them well (the negative and boring) and go on my way.

    Positive people can have misfortune come to their door and they may relate the story, but with humor, so I still call that person positive.
    A good topic.

    1. Oh the things I've done so as not to hurt other people's feelings! One of my absolute favorite things in the world is to learn from watching/listening to/ others who have much more experience/ time on the planet than I do.
      What I'm hearing from you is that time is precious and negative people are a waste of that. I like your approach- no hard feelings, just no wasted time. I really like that.
      Life is so much about how we deal with what comes our way. I know there was a time when I wasn't very good at dealing with much at all. I had allowed myself to be overloaded and hadn't yet learned how to deal with it all. I am working on taking time for me and doing what I really want to do with the life I have.

  5. We may not have had Precisely this conversation, but something darn near. The truth is that everyone gets down sometimes (and I think that is normal). With regard to your friends/family who are mostly positive, I would say keep them around. You might be the only person who cares enough to raise them up on those occasions when they feel defeated by what life's throwing at them. And I would consider keeping around people that you sense are truly good-hearted but circumstances are just kicking their behinds... so, this negative thing is temporary. They just need reminding that there is light at the end of the tunnel and we all have dark times. Your story is actually very inspirational and has the ability to remind people that things are overcomeable... simply because you have DONE it.

    Now it's time to address those people who are constant sources of doom and gloom. There isn't anything actually wrong in their lives, or not any more now than there was last year or will be next year... they have just gotten into the habit of seeing the negative side of everything that comes their way. Those folks have got to go! I call them toxic people. They have allowed pessimism to take root and they are ENERGY SUCKERS. They never give anything back. If you went to them feeling upset about something, you would always leave worse off then when you arrived.

    If you keep in mind that people are basically energy than this question becomes easy. That is what we are after all. Would you hang out with someone who - every chance they got - plugged into the electric in your house and ran up your bill? Sometimes it would happen because you invited them over and sometimes they would invite themselves and just suck suck suck your energy... with no mind to the cost of what YOUR bill would be at the end of the month. Actually... that would be better than what they do because they plug directly into you and suck suck suck with no thought to how you will FEEL after they are done with you. Toxic. Just toxic. Put those people in your rear view and don't look back!

    I hope that you liked my long answer to your short question!!!

    1. I always love your long answers! Because you clearly put so much thought into what you have to say and you care so much about those you share your insights with.
      You caught on to the fact that I am wondering where to draw the line and how that will affect me. I think I probably worry too much about how someone else might feel and give too much credit to some who probably wouldn't notice how I'm feeling at all- they're too busy giving me their same old story- year after year- and don't really want anything but my stolen energy. Which I value too much to just give away to people who will waste it on their negativity.
      You are right to make me look at how I feel when I spend time with certain people and how I feel when I leave them. There is one in particular who helped to inspire this post and that person is very interesting to listen to. When you step back away from the drama and really hear what they say, it is always "my world is so much worse than anyone elses and I am uniquely dumped on in life". And it's funny because this person gets more help from others than most anyone I know and just can't see it. For instance, I spent one summer helping this person repeatedly to organize. And to hear this person tell it, I came once for a few hours! Amazing!
      It's time to be a little brave and see what life holds if I can reach that next level of honesty and just let go of people who leave me feeling mostly negative, even if I try really hard to bring them 'up'. It's not worth giving away my own energy. I should save it for those who might appreciate it and are still worth my precious energy. Knowing the difference and how to walk that fine line is a skill worth pursuing.

    2. P.S. I think if I'm totally honest, I fear losing my deeper side and insightfulness by always being a little anesthetized by feeling 'too good' all the time. I like the texture that different people bring to my life.
      However, I've noticed two things: my life has gotten 'deeper' as my happiness has grown and things and people that bring me joy do NOT take away from my ability to feel in a real way. I have no idea what ever gave me the idea that I had to hurt in a way to feel deeply. I'll have to think some more on that one.
      In the mean time I will continue to enjoy the things that make me insanely happy- like my little dog, that the person I mentioned before happens to hate. I know, that should be a disqualifier right there!

    3. ---->>>>I fear losing my deeper side and insightfulness by always being a little anesthetized by feeling 'too good' all the time. I like the texture that different people bring to my life.

      You have nailed it right there.

      Do you remember JJ's post on "Are your beliefs logical?" Yeah, I'm sure you do. We have so many of these Crazy Ideas on Life that we don't even know that they are crazy. I couldn't think of a reply to that post when he posted it, but reading this I used to think something similar. Wait for it.... If it doesn't hurt, then it isn't love. You can only imagine the insanity that brought into my life.

      Feeling good doesn't take away your empathy. It doesn't make you forget all of the things you went through to get here. Your life has plenty of texture. You have plenty of texture. Recognize this illogical belief for what it is and you can toss it out. Holding on to it is just like what Chris said in her most recent post about cleaning out the litter box, but keeping the crap. Sounds like you are worried about getting rid of this crap because it will change who you are in a worse way. When has holding on to crap ever made us better????

      As for me, I have yet to tangle with that Love Thang again, but I know this time that if it is all about the pain and misery... well, that isn't love. It's abuse. I am finally ready to let that idea go and accept what is actually true. If it's love it feels good. It's caring and kindness and thoughtfulness.... It is all of the good stuff I already expect from a friendship with a little bit of chemistry thrown in.

      Jasmine, we are on a journey to becoming our best selves. Thank you for sharing yours with me. With us. We are all better for it!!!

  6. It is hard to be around chronically negative people, although it can't always be avoided, I try to keep positive when I'm around them. Negativity feeds on negativity so I try hard not to give in to it. The choice to be positive helps.

  7. I have learned to take people as they are. I find no need to avoid negative people, as long as they do not adversely affect my family. I look at it as their problem. I think what does it for me is that I look forward, not backward. There is an old Chinese adage: "Live in the now. The past is filled with regrets, and the future dilutes the present."


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