Please, anyone in Arizona who reads this I really do not hate you or the state you live in.
I have honestly put off blogging about the whole experience of the past week in which my husband had a job interview in Arizona and we were already going to be in Palm Springs so it all worked out just great because:
1) I am actually a little ashamed at how I could possibly have miscalculated how much of a not so positive visceral reaction I could have to a place, that never actually did anything so wrong to me.
2) I do not completely understand how even though I know that where I live now is not where I want to be and going to Arizona could be a highly convenient stop along the way, I am totally not willing to do it.
3) I so wish I was one of those people who could just live anywhere and be happy about it. Turns out- not so much.
4) I've had such a positive vibe going in my life lately that I honestly did not see this coming, as in NOT AT ALL.
5) I am more than a little bit weighted by the fact that my husband finally received a job offer RIGHT AWAY from a place that has a much lower cost of living and a whole lot more sun and we both agreed that we had to turn it down.
6) There is no respite for the wicked who won't take what is handed right to them so we totally deserved the fact that we came home to a disgusting only-in-the-northwest style grey misty 58 degree summer day.
The good news is that my husband and I totally agreed on all this. And that we may just yet get our own little piece of what it turns out is what we now term 'desert light' down in Palm Springs. Yes, I should have known very well that a place 4 hours away from one that I love can and will be totally different. And yes, you can start flogging me with a wet noodle anytime now...
I always say listen to your gut. And your gut was apparently speaking quite loudly about this location, so... The fact that your husband was in agreement must have given you some measure of relief on this feeling. I know that it feels wrong somehow to say "NO" to what looks like a great job offer.
ReplyDeleteThink of it this way: when you are single and meet a guy who looks great, has a great job, has all of the obvious things a woman would want in a man. But, you sit down with him and start talking and are literally REPELLED. It isn't what he is saying exactly. On the surface he is charming. It is just that you can feel something below the surface (not that you have let him touch you because you are afraid that you might actually vomit). Many of your friends know this person and would "DIE" to go out with him. When you tell them that you are just not interested, bad vibe and all that, they are stunned. They don't get it. How could it be? You don't know. Can't explain it. But your gut feels it. He repels you. Bottom line. You are repelled. Over and out.
Arizona...it's hot. And dry...and rocky. I'm not too sorry to say that I drove THROUGH it once and it was an abysmal 126 degrees. I am positive by nature and I tried to see the 'austere beauty' that was supposedly lurking if one simply looked. I looked..I missed it. It ain't for me either. Hope you get to where you WANT to go soon.
ReplyDeleteyou nailed it with the husband piece too. we are sweating away in TX and thankfully both content :-)
ReplyDeleteMizFit
I think you have to look at it like this:
ReplyDeleteLife is a journey. And you're gonna have to make some not so pleasant stops along the way. Literally and figuratively. I'm not one of those people who is content anywhere either. I left Texas for three years and I hated it. Hated. I need to be here. But, I am really very grateful for that time away. I needed to grow and learn how to make myself happy. Maybe that's how it is for you right now too...
You'll get there. Well, here. Hang in there, friend.
Arizona is not what it used to be, but it is fascinating, depending upon your point of view.
ReplyDeleteI turned down a teaching position at Northern Arizona University years ago, and sometimes I regret it. Flagstaff is beautiful. It reminds me of Maine. The Grand Canyon is a natural wonder of the world. I am into Native American cultures, so Apache territory in the Southeast intrigues me.
When my kids were growing up, we used to walk across the border at Nogales, and it was both safe and fun. Lake Mead in the North is spectacular.
What it boils down to is this. The Navajo Reservation in Northeastern Arizona is six times the size of the state of Massachusetts. Yes, almost exactly six times! It is a huge state, with many separate climates and cultures. I flew into Phoenix one time and it was 106 degrees. When I drove up to the Grand Canyon, it was 6 degrees. Perhaps, you hit a part of the state you did not enjoy. Nevertheless, there is much to enjoy in Arizona.
Obviously, you and your husband made the right choice for your family. Don't sweat it. Hannibal and all his elephants could not get me to live in New Jersey for ten million dollars, and I don't lie.
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