Tuesday, January 8, 2013

The Answers And Peace That I Need

As I stared at a blank screen for the longest time, I went back to view my blog and found a new comment on my last post.  The comment was from Loretta and it got me out of my funk and into finally writing this post that really I guess I have just been avoiding and yet I so need to write.

So I'll start with this:  Christmas was probably the best one we have had around here in at least a few years.  There was no family drama requiring a visit from the sheriff- Ha!  We were blessed to get our gifts early in the form of our fun new puppy and our Palm Springs condo.  I even took a chance and told Santa about how much I want to move to Texas.  He made no promises, but hey it never hurts to try!  We also received some of the best surprise news that we could ever have gotten when we found out that my husband passed his latest actuarial exam- which we were totally NOT expecting.  Yes, one of those exams that require study of at least 300 hours of stuff like this:

With the passage of this particular exam, it puts my husband in a very good position to be a real live actuary by November of this year!!!!!!  We never thought he would pass so quickly as this exam is one many people get stuck on and take over and over.  And really, he just didn't have a good feeling about it.  What a fabulous and welcome surprise.  This also means that as soon as he gets his credential, I will get to start those pilot lessons I've said that I am meaning to take!

So many wonderful things....  My heart is just full of thankfulness.  I can't believe how blessed we are during such a time of turmoil all around us- in the world, in our country and right here at home.

You see, I don't want to seem ungrateful.  I strive to be content and yet grow in life.  I know we ought not dwell on the things that are not as we would like and that many things are out of our control as human beings. 

And yet some things are too big to ignore. 

My sister is still in jail.  I have discovered that she is in need of more help and rehabilitation than I ever imagined.  She is addicted to every form of bad behavior and wrong choice that there is.  She is a very sad and sick person that has destroyed so much for so many.

She has been offered a combination of incarceration/rehab/work release of 3 years and is otherwise facing 5-10 years in prison.  She still believes she can somehow 'beat the system' and has refused the 3 year deal.

I am trying hard to swallow the fact that I actually agree with her in that she should not take the 3 year deal.  I don't think she should take it because I feel that she needs a lot LONGER in custody to keep society at large safe and to give herself any chance at all of actually changing her life for the better.

I can't help feeling like a big ol' bitch of an older sister who has so much in this life and yet would wish her little sister such a tough row to hoe.  I don't mean it that way and I know in my heart that people understand that. 

I need to look at this as an opportunity to expand my vision of what positive change can be. 

And I will. 

In time, I will accept whatever is meant to be for my sister and I will put it all into proper perspective as soon as my heart allows. 

Image found at: posterenvy.com


  1. Congratulations to your husband! You will get to Texas one day I am sure - anywhere but California. California is the armpit of America. People like your sister who seem bent on self-destruction are such a puzzle to us who cannot imagine anyone wanting a life and a future like hers. Tough love is all there is. She has to bear the consequences of what she has done. She still many never learn. The only possibility for her is to come to know Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior. That's just all there is to it. He is the only one that can change a heart like that. You truly do have so much to be thankful for but you have lived the life and have had the work ethic that brought that about. You have overcome your obstacles rather that buckling down to them. It wasn't given to you on a platter. Take care.

  2. wow! congratulations to your husband...and about your sister. It took 10 years in prison to get my brother to downgrade to minor vagrant and recreational drug abuser...but at least he's no longer a drug mole and break and entering artist. Sometimes, the only kind of love left that works is tough love. It doesn't make it any easier..but it does allow for hope to grow in the same space as sadness. I am glad your Christmas was drama free. I hope you go to Texas soon.

  3. That's great news about your husband! Congratulations to you and him! I'm so sorry about your sister. And I totally understand how you feel about her situation and the emotions that we are left to deal with. I struggle with feelings of guilt and helplessness and anger with one of my brothers. It's downward spiral that no one, no one can stop. Only they can. We help, we love them, we forgive them, we help them again, only to be disappointed once again. My hear aches for him and is very sad, as I'm sure yours is. All I can offer by way of advice, is to pray. Sending you hugs and good vibes.

  4. Congratulations to your hubby!
    Sadly, it seems that so many have similar situations. I too have to sit here and watch my sister and two brothers make grave mistakes and spend time in and out of jail, rehab and the streets. They make their own choices and refuse help. But it still hurts to see ones you love make choices that can not be taken back.

    I love the picture at the end of your post. So true!

  5. Your sister will end up taking the deal. They always do. The false bravado is just part of the "beating the system" culture. It is beyond your control, unless you choose to suffer a bit more. Congratulations to your husband - and you! I'll bet there are some great jobs available in Texas.

    1. She actually has a history of NOT taking deals. However, I do think that this time she may do differently as this is so much more serious. So far she has passed the last date to accept and she is going to trial, but we'll see.

      Although I am human and can't completely tune out the actions of my only sibling, I refuse to suffer unnecessarily. I know that nothing I do will change her choices. Writing about this is really just an exercise is getting it off my chest so I can move on. May seem silly, but I do still carry a fair amount of guilt for not being able to influence her in a more positive way.

      I know. I know. I'm working on it....

  6. I am surprised and heartened by how many other bloggers have lived through having a loved one who is so self destructive. They just have no idea how much their behavior hurts our hearts, I think.

  7. So glad for all the blessings in your life right now, and so sorry for the struggles with your sister. I can't imagine being in that position emotionally, to love your sister, but know it would be better for her to be incarcerated.

    We go thru similar things with my sister's stepkids & their birth mother. It sounds harsh, but we pray for her to go back to prison. When she is out (and now she's been out for 2 years, gah!) she is incredibily manipulative & destructive. She introduced drugs to my nephew, introduced dealing to her brother, and brainwashes the kids about... everything. You can see a difference in them when they've been seeing her. And not for the better. Luckily we've reached a point now where the kids are starting to see her for what she is, but... it just would be so much better for her kids (3 more besides my nieces/nephew) if she would just be put away again.

    Wishing you peace {{ hugs }}

  8. I don't know how I missed this blog when you originally posted. However, I was updating my sidebar and saw it there. Did some head scratching and dropped on in. Wow.

    You most certainly did get a mixed bag this year. As someone who is struggling with good, bad, and other, I would say to you that reveling in your own joy is fully appropriate. Your husband has worked so hard. When a person works hard and then reaps the benefit of that work, it is OKAY to allow yourself to bask in the joy.

    The fact that someone else has taken actions that have led to direct consequences that are also appropriate, but terrible, is actually only right. Actions have consequences. That is the world in which we live. Your husband studied hard and was rewarded. Your sister committed crime and was jailed. You helped your husband study to the best of your ability, and he accepted that help, and he excelled. You tried to help your sister, but she rejected your help, and she is where she is. You cannot help someone who doesn't want your help. All that said, if you didn't feel sad for her situation, you wouldn't be human. But, the more time you live there, it takes away from the joy you could be living in.

    You have so many good and worthwhile people who deserve your time, attention, love, and JOY. And a move to TX to plan...


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