Friday, May 16, 2014

Don't Fear The Hurt

As our plans to get to Southern California have heated up this Spring, I have noticed that I have been subconsciously holding back in other areas of my life.  Specifically, with certain friends who I guess I have deemed as being 'too fragile' to handle hanging out and having fun with me just as I am truly planning to leave.
One friend mentioned to me that she understands just how difficult it is to manage deep attachments while simultaneously letting go.  She hit the nail on the head.
Hammer And Nails  Stock Photo
Hammer And Nails by mrpuen, found at:

I have lived in this area of the country my entire life.  I have some friends whom I have known since before I started school.  These are actually the friends that I have had the least trouble with remaining close to, even as I go through the process of moving away.  I think I've known that we've been through enough as lifelong friends to know that we will make it in keeping contact, even when I am far away.  It seems to be the newer friends- the good neighbors, the friends I've only had for a few years that have been the sticking point for me.  I have been avoiding them and keeping my distance.
I've realized that I have been holding back because I think I've felt that it's wrong to get close to people that you don't have that much history with and then just pick up and leave them behind.  I've also realized that I'm being hurtful by suddenly pulling back my attention and time, just to supposedly keep these people from being hurt.
Being afraid of hurting people has led me to be hurtful- even though I never meant to be.
Sometimes it's just tough to do the right thing.  And sometimes people get hurt.  But I've come to see that spending time laughing, playing cards and making memories is not wrong.
Playing Cards Stock Photo
Playing Cards by foto76 found at:

People deserve whatever you've got to give them, for however long you can.  And I can't know if those connections are going to last beyond 1,200 miles or if they will simply be pleasant experiences for today.  And that's OK.


  1. i have experienced this...the hardest thing I have ever had to do was say goodbye to a dear friend I had known for three years...we had grown as close as sisters....and I couldn't say we had a final dinner..and I had purchased a picture with a poem..and as I left I set it on the door...but then she came outside...because I had forgotten something..and she saw it..and she read it..and she cried and we hugged. She asked me why I hadn't given it to her...I said "I couldn't' and she understood. lol...sometimes it hurts. And you are right...give it all while you can.

    1. Your poignant story is so true to what I am experiencing in so many ways. And I know that you are happier to have had those times with your friend than to have never loved her at all.

  2. As I read this, I think of your impending move to SoCal and your belief that this is Not your final destination. As of right now, you are seeing this new place as a bridge between where you were and where you are going. Knowing that you are likely to move again in five years or less COULD make you feel inclined to not reach out and make friends that you know you'll leave. But, I hope that this lesson is teaching you to do it anyway. No one knows the twists and turns of the road up ahead. All we can do is make the most out of Now. And there might be some pretty great experiences awaiting you in SoCal and some excellent new friends. I hope you apply what you've learned here and Go For It.

    The only reason that it hurts to leave your news friends behind is because you value them. They feel the same way. And that is good. Some will remain friends and some won't. And that is good.

    1. I'm sure that it's good that I am realizing how to deal with this now. I will have to figure out how to live in the now and know that everything that I am doing has an important place in my life, even as I am planning to spend some 'temporary' time in a place I have always enjoyed. We never know what will happen and we need connections as we travel along our paths in life.

  3. I like Robin's last sentence..... some will remain and some won't. But I don't doubt that you will soon make many new friends too. All you really need in life is one good friend. I've had Marilyn for 50 plus years and she's lived in CA for nearly the last 30 years but we still talk almost daily and see each other a couple of times a year.

    1. I am lucky to have several good close friends and one in particular who has made it through many moves and is currently living 3 hours away. We are still close and will never lose our connection, I am certain.

  4. Replies
    1. You are right! No matter how prepared we think we are, the emotional aspect is always there.


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