Monday, August 6, 2012

Helping A Friend Is Good For The Heart And Maybe Lucky For Small Destructive Critters

Last Friday I spent the day helping to clean out and pack up my good friends husbands house.  This was the house of my friend Donna who died one year ago today.  Now her husband is having to add insult to injury as he has lost the house to foreclosure after having no job for two years and not being able to refinance even though he was promised many times that he would be able to, under the it-turns-out-not-so-wonderful-new-government-refinance-program.  (Don't even get me started.)

The poor guy didn't even know where to begin.  He is still grieving (naturally) and he hadn't even touched many things that had belonged to his wife, such as her sewing stuff and personal collections, as he just couldn't bring himself to do it.  Several members of our shared dance club were helping out and he kept saying that he just didn't deserve all this help.  He kept reminding of us of what a gruff guy he had been for so many years while his Donna had been alive.  I know that he was always good to her, if not the most social guy in the room.  And I told him not any one of us is any better than any other and that we all loved him.  He openly cried several times.  I personally felt emotionally exhausted after only 5 hours of working, so I can't imagine how he felt.

As luck would have it, the rest of the weekend turned out to be more than a little irksome for me:  My sister is back in the clink- charges in 3 counties, including a parole violation.  Some evil intolerant person put a virus on the web pages that have information for write in republican candidates for our local election.  And a nasty little mole is wreaking havoc on my front yard. 

But I got to enjoy one of the most beautiful warm Seafair Sundays ever.
And I get to continue helping to make my friends husbands life a little easier by setting up an estate sale for him this week.  Which is much more productive than how much I would love to go all Caddyshack on that damn mole... 


  1. Hopefully this catastrophe for your friend will somehow turn out to be a new beginning. I look back at some of the "worst" things that have happened to me and they have been the catalysts for some of the best things that have ever happened to me. However, I would never have gotten to the best if not for the worst. I got pushed there. Maybe this will be one of those cases. I am praying for that.

    As for the rest... you know you won't change your sister. Only she can decide to change herself. It is hard to disassociate. However, sometimes it is unhealthy to remain too wrapped in someone else's drama. When she is ready to truly to turn it around, then you can get involved. Until then, not so much. It isn't good for you.

    I don't really understand the part about the internet stuff. But, I am sorry it was one more thing on your list. I think you were just one frayed nerve by that point.

  2. Hang in there. I am sure you have been a leaning post for your friend's husband. Just being there means a lot to him I am sure. I agree with Robin about your sister. It's hard I am sure when we can look back on our childhood and wonder why one sibling goes one way and one goes another. We may never know. Moles usually work in the early evening. Get out there with a pitch fork or potato fork and watch for the "bumping" of the ground. Harpoon the little booger. Some people drive a shovel right in back of where the mole is working so it can't escape and then harpoon it. You must be very still and move very slowly and quietly or they stop working and back up the run. I have killed several moles this way. Let me know if you are successful and take care.

  3. You are good friends. Hopefully, this step will help him move on with life and give him closure. Sorry about your sister, but as I well know, and as Robin has mentioned above, there really isn't anything YOU can do for her, she's got to want to do it herself. Just be prepared to accept, that she may never be ready.


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