"Heart Sinking Into Sea" by Stuart Miles, found at freedigitalphotos.net
I'm not sure if I'm more sad that my sister still somehow believes that she is going to outsmart the system- she has now sent out letters to family and friends declaring that she will soon be out of jail- or if I am more heart heavy over the fact that I hope there is absolutely no chance that she is right.
I spoke with a client yesterday that just knew that I was kind of in a funk, even though most things in my life have been better than ever as of lately. I appreciated that she let me just talk about how I feel. It felt good to be listened to and acknowledged.
It helps to know that it really is OK to wish for understanding even from people you will never get it from.
It's OK to wish and then to let it go. Which is a whole lot better than what I want to do sometimes.
Although I hate to admit it, sometimes I just want to be angry and scream at my sister and ask her what she thinks it feels like for me to have my only sibling be living the life that she does...
At the same time, it absolutely feels selfish to taint my own good life direction with these rotten feelings and yet- I am human. I can't help but care about what happens to my sister, even though she doesn't seem to have a very good plan for herself. It's OK to know that her path in life is not going to be what I want for her. It's OK to keep a little bit of hope and still face the reality that what I hope for is not a very likely outcome.
Over the past 8 months, waiting for my sister's case to be concluded, the song below has been a source of strength for me. Yes it's actually a break up song, but some of the lyrics are so hauntingly appropriate for my situation.
What gives you strength when things get ugly? What's the best outcome that you've ever seen from the worst situation? How do you personally learn to accept things that seem completely unacceptable?