I'll Be Even Braver This Time

Last election cycle I did more than I have ever done before when it comes to politics.  I did more than talk and I got involved in local races where I poured my heart and sweat into trying to make a difference. 

The campaign I helped the most with lost by 6,000 votes.  It really made me sad and sorry for the fact that each one of us involved believed that we might have done just a little bit more to have garnered some of those needed votes.

But the truth was I was still too scared to really come out of the political closet.  I did my level best at talking to strangers and friends who agreed with the candidates and ideals that I was working for, but I wasn't willing to cross over the threshold of letting everyone I know in on what and who I support. 

Honestly, it seemed too dangerous.

What if I ticked off somebody I work for?  What would my neighbors think? 

I was so used to just keeping my mouth shut and nodding so an not to tick off people with my politics, even if I never intend to attack them in any way for their own.  Even though I don't agree with many people's politics and yet have learned to always be respectful. 

Somehow I never learned to expect the same for myself.

I live in a place where if you are not a 'progressive liberal' type, then your views simply do not count.  You will be laughed out of any political discussion with a knowing look of feeling sorry for how stupid and small your silly ideas of more freedom and less government are. 

If you live somewhere other than the left coast, you may be thinking that there cannot be a place like that in America.  Come here and see.  I dare you.

So, this time I'm putting it out there.  All the way out there!  I might make some people mad.  People may not like me as much.  I won't be as safe.  I'll have to put up with being called names, yelled at, being flipped off.

That's OK.  I'll be true to myself and have no regrets this time.

 

A sign like this is going up in my front yard just as soon as I can get one.  

And I'm getting a bumper sticker too.

 

These are not perfect candidates.  And neither am I a perfect person.

But I'll be freer one just for the fact that this time I'm actually willing to put it out there for everyone to see.

We're Still Not Moving & Now I Know Why

First of all, I want to thank everyone for all the positive comments about my husband's upcoming journey to health.  It's gonna' go well.  I just know it.  And one of these days I'm gonna' want abs just like the ones he's getting, only I'll have to pay for them...

We're expecting a pretty big snow storm over the next few days and I know I've mentioned before about how much I just love snow.  Not.  It already looks like this:

Beautiful, yes.  I'll leave it at that.  Let's keep it positive, right?

I'm thankful that we were able to get him in to have his CT today despite the snow covered giant Seattle hills.  This CT will help give more detailed info. so the doctor can decide on an actual surgical plan when we see her again on the 25th.  I have decided that I'm just going to take in what she tells us, allow it all to sink in, and then set it free to the universe.  That should put me in a good place to be ready to support my husband in the way that he will need in May when he actually gets the work done. 

In the mean time I have realized a few things (yeah, you can feel free to figuratively whack me over the head!)- As annoyed as I have been with waiting for our plans to move to Texas to come through, I can see some good reasons as to why they have not:   
1) It's a really good thing that we are in the position of my husband having been at his current job for a long time with good medical and paid time off for him to be able to recover fully.
2) It is so fortunate that I have awesome contacts and medical referrals through work I have done over the years.  It makes me feel much more confident about this whole thing. 
3) If we had moved to Texas last August when we truly believed we were going to, we might never have discovered our love of Palm Springs.  And that really has been such a wonderful surprise.
 

So yup, it is time for me to buck up and be thankful for how this is all working out.  As with anything, there is much to be gained by the attitude that we choose to have.

I believe this will be transformative for both my husband and I.  He is going to be healed physically, stronger than ever.  And he has already shown that he is well on his way to conquering any residual fears from his prior experience.  He's meeting this challenge like anything else that comes his way- with a smile on his face and a peaceful demeanor.  I continue to admire his fortitude of character. 

Meanwhile I am going to take this opportunity to face up to the fact that medical situations were more than just a little bit weird as I grew up and not allow myself to be further traumatized.  This time will be a positive.  My husband is the best reason ever to change my thoughts and feelings about this.  He deserves everything I have to give. 

So, with a little shout out to Robin over at YOUR DAILY DOSE, I'll end this by saying that I have seen yet again that the lessons really will keep coming until we get it.  That must be why they say it doesn't do any good to shoot the messenger!

In The Dark, But Not Afraid

Not knowing is often the worst part of anything in life.  You feel like if you just knew something, anything, you could handle that and move on.  But then you get real with yourself and accept that what you really want is a certain answer, not just any answer.

So right now I am willing to wait, with the hope that a little more waiting will result in the answer that I am truly waiting and hoping for!  No need to rush this process as that means that there is still a process goin' on and that's good for the moment...

Meanwhile, I've been enjoying a bit of exploring my relatively new self.  Yes, the me that is about 50 lbs. (-O.K. 48 to be exact)  lighter than the old me of the past 15 years or so.  This has been as of January of this year.

I kept meaning to say something here on this blog, but the timing was never just right.  I would get these 'epic' posts all ready in my head and then just "meh"- it didn't work for me.  Certainly weight loss has been a part of my journey in getting ready for my next step in this life- be it moving to Texas or otherwise, but really it has only been one part of what is a very real transformative mode that I have been in for the last year and half or so.

So yes, there has been serious weight loss involved and yes, it has been eye-opening and a truly enlightening experience.  But for me, it has been almost an afterthought in the realm of what has been going on in my life.  So I guess I have felt like my input into the weight loss blog world has been unneeded.  I have benefited immensely from those who I consider the true weight loss bloggers of note- people like Christine over at 'A Deliberate Life' and Loretta whose blog is 'Loretta's Journey from 460 to 199... One Good Choice At A Time'.  My experience has been one of seeing how what I allow into my life in the form of stress is very indicative of how much I weigh.  And how sometimes the choices of what and who to let go of never being able to "fix" can be quite overwhelming.  But really the moment I noticed that I was no longer carrying around a large bag of Costco dog food finally seemed to get the message into my head.  I am now officially 5 lbs. overweight and I am pretty darned good with that!

So on that note, I have been exploring what it is to be in this different body.  And as good as it is, there are some things that are different in a bit of a negative way.  One of those things seems to be strength for me.  I have realized that I did rely on 'muscling' my way through many of my daily activities.  I guess I sort of 'threw my weight' around so to speak. 

I have noticed how much more effort goes into simple things.  Things like digging a hole with a shovel, or lifting heavy furniture is just not as natural as it once was for me.  I liked being super strong and it had become part of who I am.  Now I notice I can still do things.  I just have to do them differently, more carefully. 

Some of those things are really important to me.  Things like being able to shoot a pistol with laser-like accuracy.  So, last night I spent a little time with my favorite instructor down at the gun range.  I had been showing up to practice and just getting annoyed with the fact that things were not as accurate as they had always been.  Last night I was ready to do something about it.  I finally summoned up the courage to admit that things had changed and that I was ready to do something to fix it.

After only about 15 minutes with the instructor, I was able to pinpoint the problems and see that I had been a bit lazy before and relying on my muscles and not on the kick-ass stance that I am capable of.  Let's just say that I am thrilled with my ability to still work a target down to a 4 inch perimeter.  And I never did actually lose the ability to rapid fire hit six different targets in a row. 

I do love being a strong and healthy woman.  And this past year or so has been all about improving that for me.  Even down to improving my ability to deal with the unknown, something I have never ever been all that comfortable with.  So I thank everyone for their thoughts for my husband & I and I'll let you know what is up just as soon as I know!

Practicing For Life In Texas

This weekend, as I passed through the door from the house to the garage, I noticed a HUGE bug hanging out near the door frame.  It looked a lot like this:

This dude was about 4 inches long and residing at the corner of the door jamb as if he/she belonged there.  But I could have sworn that it was sneering at me, daring me to DO something.

Now in my household we rarely get anything with more than 4 legs that requires any action on my part.  A stray ugly, furry spider is usually the worst of it.  And our spiders are rarely much larger than a quarter.  Still I don't love seeing any critter of the insect type INSIDE my house.  And I don't relish having to get them out.  So what to do?

I thought of how I often just pretend that I didn't see a bug and hope that it will go away.  It works, sometimes.  But then sometimes I wake up with a bunch of bug bites too.  So I guess my ignoring the problem doesn't work that well...

I thought of my friend who still calls her Dad to get rid of bugs.  And how silly I think that is...

Nope, it was time for me to brave it.  No ignoring or getting someone else to deal with this.

I ran the possible scenarios in my head, including worst case in which the giant bug would land directly on my face and bite my nose! 

And then I got a broom.  No, not to whack the thing.  Just to act as a carrier to get it OUT. 

And you know what?  I opened the garage door, opened the door from the house, and brushed the broom up near the bug.  He/She just climbed right on and took a ride right out the door. 

No drama.  No explaining how I got that bug bite on my nose. 

Yup, I'm ready.  Texas, here I come.