Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Strange Dreams

I like the artist that sings this song, Heart.  They always bring a kind of dreamy quality out in me.  Not just in this song, but in all of their stuff.  I grew up listening to them and hearing stories about what it was like for my mother and aunts who attended high school with the girls from Heart.  This song just seemed perfect for what I woke up to this morning.

For a long time I never remembered any dreams at all.  I mean literally at least 10 years went by when I thought that I must not be able to dream anymore.  Prior to this period of time, I was always a vivid dreamer and much like I am able to utilize a very photographic memory in my conscious life, I had always experienced dreams that were very real.   I suspected that I was still dreaming, just not remembering them for some reason.  I finally came to the conclusion that I had lost my ability to remember my dreams when I was going through a time when I felt that most of my 'dreams' for life seemed dead.  Bingo!  I began remembering my dreams upon waking yet again.  It was as if the floodgates of my mind had opened.  All of this coincided with a very turbulent time of becoming aware of how much of myself I had given up trying to fix or fit in to my very disturbed and mentally ill family.  As soon as I realized that this was not a worthy cause to spend my life energy on, I got my life energy back and with it, my dreams- both in slumber and in real life.

I tend to be an early morning dreamer.  Especially when I wake up in the wee hours and then fall back asleep, I have extraordinarily vivid dreams.  Recently, I woke up replaying a particular episode with my mother when she had broken a restraining order on Christmas day and came knocking at my door.  While I am proud of how I dealt with that situation in real life by just speaking through the door and calling the sheriff immediately so as to minimize the drama, I also like how I dealt with it in my dream.  In the dream, I opened the door right up and faced her and told her that she was no longer welcome here and that she needed to leave my property.  I then actually realized that I was dreaming and said, "besides this is just a dream and you don't really matter in my life anymore."  Boy did I feel satisfied upon waking!

This morning I had a very intriguing dream.  I dreamed that my husband and I were walking down a sidewalk and these 3 young guys came up behind us and kind of invaded our space.  I tried to sort of ignore them and my husband and I gave each other knowing looks.  We were approaching a strip mall area.  One of the guys ended up brushing up against me.  I turned and faced him and brushed him back.  Then for some reason I ended up walking ahead and leaving my husband a little behind with the guys right there and tension clearly in the air.  I remember wanting to get inside one of the stores and get to safety and tell someone what was happening, but I also knew it was really strange for me to leave my husband there with those guys.  He is NOT a physically tough guy.  He is an intellectual who uses wit to get himself out of any trouble and would never fight with anyone. Besides, it is just out of character for either one of us to desert the other for any reason.  Anyway, I end up inside a gift shop and the weird thing is that I then get distracted and totally forget about why I came in!  So I'm there just shopping around for awhile and I suddenly realize that I have forgotten all about how I left my husband outside with these 3 guys.  Immediately upon remembering this, I run outside and I catch the very end of some police action going on.  All I see is the cops putting handcuffs on my husband while he slowly turns his head to face me.  I see a little blood on his neck area and a few scratches.  I notice his glasses are gone.  But overall he doesn't really look that bad for what I imagined could have happened.  I scream, "what did they do to you?!"  But the look on my husbands face says something like resolve or strength or some combination of that.  His blue eyes are so clear in my mind.  The 3 guys are not in the picture.  I have no idea what happened to them and I sense that I don't care. 

I think this dream has something to do with some loose ends that need dealing with when it comes to a near death experience that my husband had back in July of 2009.  I haven't really shared any of that on this blog.  One of my friends who is pretty intuitive stated that she knows that though I have a lot to say, I'm not always saying everything I need to.  So it may be time to share that moment in my life.  It is a turning point for me.  A pivotal moment in time that changed everything for me.  I was on my way to changing, but that experience made me know that there was no going back.

I am confident that I will share this soon.  In the meantime, any insight on my dream would be appreciated.  It seems to me that fellow bloggers are often the best at giving me the knowledge that I haven't quite grasped yet for myself. 


  1. Do other men scare you in general, do you have bad experiences or have you had bad experiences with men? the fact that you left your husband to deal with and he DID. Means you trust him. which is good. other than that, I don't really know. I have some weird dreams as well though. lol.

  2. I didn't get the sense that you were afraid of these men. One of them brushed you and you immediately brushed him right back. I think they are symbolic of an issue that you had going on. It hit you and you hit it right back. Once you did that, you walked away from it. Your husband being hurt is an entirely separate thing. I think you are right that it is about his accident. His accident. I think he must have walked away from it stronger. That is what I take from the way you describe his face. The only thing that is unclear to me is why the police are loading him handcuffed into the police car. Was he responsible for the accident? That is the puzzle piece that I am missing. Or I may have the whole thing wrong... lol. I have interesting dreams, too. Mine are always most vivid early in the morning if I wake up and go back to sleep. Freaky, eh?

  3. Fear is one of the best gifts Nature has to offer. It makes us think. It keeps us safe. Sounds like a good bad dream.

  4. @ Christine- I think I have some of the same issues that most women unfortunately have with men from a few bad experiences over the years, but nothing I can put a finger on. There is definitely a trust issue behind some of this symbolism and yes I have gotten better at trusting my husband more recently.

    @ Robin- I do feel as if I am doing better with 'fighting back' when I need to and in constructive ways. My husbands issue was not an accident, but a freak thing nonetheless which I have promised myself I am going to write about. I think I may be seeing another side of my husband and realizing that he is 'tougher' than I give him credit for. I too have noticed that you and I have some intriguing things in common. I also suffer from a rare disorder that is linked to migraine though I do not have migraines on any regular basis.

    @ JJ- Fear is a big theme in my life. It was the main emotion that I had all growing up and only recently (in the past 5 years) learned how to identify. Maybe I need to learn some more about how fear relates to how I live now.

  5. Wow. I wouldn't know how to interpret that dream, other than your husband can take care of himself.


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