In The Dark, But Not Afraid

Not knowing is often the worst part of anything in life.  You feel like if you just knew something, anything, you could handle that and move on.  But then you get real with yourself and accept that what you really want is a certain answer, not just any answer.

So right now I am willing to wait, with the hope that a little more waiting will result in the answer that I am truly waiting and hoping for!  No need to rush this process as that means that there is still a process goin' on and that's good for the moment...

Meanwhile, I've been enjoying a bit of exploring my relatively new self.  Yes, the me that is about 50 lbs. (-O.K. 48 to be exact)  lighter than the old me of the past 15 years or so.  This has been as of January of this year.

I kept meaning to say something here on this blog, but the timing was never just right.  I would get these 'epic' posts all ready in my head and then just "meh"- it didn't work for me.  Certainly weight loss has been a part of my journey in getting ready for my next step in this life- be it moving to Texas or otherwise, but really it has only been one part of what is a very real transformative mode that I have been in for the last year and half or so.

So yes, there has been serious weight loss involved and yes, it has been eye-opening and a truly enlightening experience.  But for me, it has been almost an afterthought in the realm of what has been going on in my life.  So I guess I have felt like my input into the weight loss blog world has been unneeded.  I have benefited immensely from those who I consider the true weight loss bloggers of note- people like Christine over at 'A Deliberate Life' and Loretta whose blog is 'Loretta's Journey from 460 to 199... One Good Choice At A Time'.  My experience has been one of seeing how what I allow into my life in the form of stress is very indicative of how much I weigh.  And how sometimes the choices of what and who to let go of never being able to "fix" can be quite overwhelming.  But really the moment I noticed that I was no longer carrying around a large bag of Costco dog food finally seemed to get the message into my head.  I am now officially 5 lbs. overweight and I am pretty darned good with that!

So on that note, I have been exploring what it is to be in this different body.  And as good as it is, there are some things that are different in a bit of a negative way.  One of those things seems to be strength for me.  I have realized that I did rely on 'muscling' my way through many of my daily activities.  I guess I sort of 'threw my weight' around so to speak. 

I have noticed how much more effort goes into simple things.  Things like digging a hole with a shovel, or lifting heavy furniture is just not as natural as it once was for me.  I liked being super strong and it had become part of who I am.  Now I notice I can still do things.  I just have to do them differently, more carefully. 

Some of those things are really important to me.  Things like being able to shoot a pistol with laser-like accuracy.  So, last night I spent a little time with my favorite instructor down at the gun range.  I had been showing up to practice and just getting annoyed with the fact that things were not as accurate as they had always been.  Last night I was ready to do something about it.  I finally summoned up the courage to admit that things had changed and that I was ready to do something to fix it.

After only about 15 minutes with the instructor, I was able to pinpoint the problems and see that I had been a bit lazy before and relying on my muscles and not on the kick-ass stance that I am capable of.  Let's just say that I am thrilled with my ability to still work a target down to a 4 inch perimeter.  And I never did actually lose the ability to rapid fire hit six different targets in a row. 

I do love being a strong and healthy woman.  And this past year or so has been all about improving that for me.  Even down to improving my ability to deal with the unknown, something I have never ever been all that comfortable with.  So I thank everyone for their thoughts for my husband & I and I'll let you know what is up just as soon as I know!

Something Is Afoot...

Maybe.

Regular readers: YOU know what I'm getting at.

There's a really good opportunity out there.  And they are interested.  Very.  And so are we.

AND... it's in Texas.

Now I'm not really superstitious or anything.  I don't knock on wood like my neighbor.  But I don't like to jump the gun either.  My husband and I have learned that it is tough to stay excited and ready to do something at any moment, but also that it is tougher still to realize that you might be missing out on what's right here in front of you in your life right now...

Let's just say this is the CLOSEST that we have gotten to having what we have put out there in the universe as what we want to happen, actually happening.

I still believe what is meant to happen will absolutely happen for my husband and I.  And if this particular opportunity is the one, boy will I have to laugh. 

We finally made plans more than 6 weeks out for things we would do here.  We even made reservations for another 'warm weather' vacation.  I just got through as much organizing as I could possibly do ahead of time and finally got back into all my regular activities...

Things do have a way of coming full circle, don't they?

Keep us in your thoughts and I'll keep you posted!

Just Some Random Numbers

• 100-  'Dog years' that my Boston Terrier, Parker, has reached today.

 

Am I really 100 years old today?!  Now what?

• 14-  Months since my husband & I decided that Texas is the place for us.  (We haven't made it there yet, but it's not for lack of trying.)
• 78-  minutes of summer that Seattle has actually had this year, or at least weather over 80 degrees.  Yes, this is absolutely true.  You can read about it here.  My sincerest apologies to those who are melting in the heat in most of the rest of the country...
• 2-  number of runs the Seattle Mariners managed to accomplish in all 36 of their innings against the Texas Rangers.  Also the number of runs that Texas pitching has allowed in their last 47 innings.  Apparently I'm not the only one who has realized how bad it's gotten for the Mariners.  Yesterday, during a post-game show, a seagull flew over and pooped on the interview table!  I haven't been able to locate a video of this yet, but I KNOW one exits as I saw this myself on live TV.
• 200-  number of dollars that was paid to have the last of the junk hauled away at my friends father-in-laws house before we cleaned it out.
• 4-  pictures that were taken of the empty and CLEAN apartment, showing wide angle shots with ABSOLUTELY NOTHING LEFT in them.
• 1-  annoying and lying new landlady who called declaring that the deposit on the apartment would not be refunded because her husband had to haul away a 'whole bunch of stuff' that was left there?!  I had a weird feeling about this woman from the moment I met her...

Now I'm off to take great pleasure in what is left of this day.  The sun has decided to peek out for a bit, my neighbor is ready for a walk, and I can't wait to see the landlady's face when she sees my photos- metadata complete with GPS and time stamp info.  I love it when I follow a good gut instinct....

Practicing For Life In Texas

This weekend, as I passed through the door from the house to the garage, I noticed a HUGE bug hanging out near the door frame.  It looked a lot like this:

This dude was about 4 inches long and residing at the corner of the door jamb as if he/she belonged there.  But I could have sworn that it was sneering at me, daring me to DO something.

Now in my household we rarely get anything with more than 4 legs that requires any action on my part.  A stray ugly, furry spider is usually the worst of it.  And our spiders are rarely much larger than a quarter.  Still I don't love seeing any critter of the insect type INSIDE my house.  And I don't relish having to get them out.  So what to do?

I thought of how I often just pretend that I didn't see a bug and hope that it will go away.  It works, sometimes.  But then sometimes I wake up with a bunch of bug bites too.  So I guess my ignoring the problem doesn't work that well...

I thought of my friend who still calls her Dad to get rid of bugs.  And how silly I think that is...

Nope, it was time for me to brave it.  No ignoring or getting someone else to deal with this.

I ran the possible scenarios in my head, including worst case in which the giant bug would land directly on my face and bite my nose! 

And then I got a broom.  No, not to whack the thing.  Just to act as a carrier to get it OUT. 

And you know what?  I opened the garage door, opened the door from the house, and brushed the broom up near the bug.  He/She just climbed right on and took a ride right out the door. 

No drama.  No explaining how I got that bug bite on my nose. 

Yup, I'm ready.  Texas, here I come.

The Good Life

Over this past 4th of July weekend a couple of unexpected and interesting things happened, as they often do when we are just rolling right along through life.

First, one of my friends had their father in law die suddenly.  This guy was 91 years old.  He had recently experienced some kind of 'episode'.  Either his heart or a small stroke- he couldn't say which and wasn't interested in finding out.  He had never been under any kind of regular medical care and had no intention of becoming one of those old people whose life revolves around doctor's appointments.  So his daughters came into town for the holiday weekend, spent 3 beautiful days with him, shared meals and laughter.  When they got back home, out-of-state, they couldn't get a hold of him to let him know their plane had landed safely.  My friend went over to check on him and found him looking like he was sleeping peacefully, but clearly gone.  He had left his door unlocked, which he never did.  It was clear that he had passed on his own terms. 

As for me, I spent the weekend with my nephew as planned, but was surprised when I came into town to find that the psychologist that Nathan would be seeing was very happy that I was there and wanted to get some in depth family history from me.  At first I was not looking forward to this at all.  My family story is not a nice one.  But I didn't want to let thinking about this ruin the weekend.  So I decided not to over think it.

When the time came to give the needed information, I did so without breaking down or wishing that things could have been different.  I just told what needed telling and was relieved to find that it wasn't that bad after all.  I think I have realized that the future is whatever we make of it, regardless of a past that cannot be changed.

It is good to know that although there will always be things that we wish we could control that we cannot, there is a lot that we can do.  And that's where the good life lives after all, isn't it?